


Shattered

by Delmire



Category: Finder no Hyouteki | Finder Series
Genre: 'Cause I might just tear out your heart, Angst, Are you Ready?, But I promise I'll put you back together again, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Neglect, OOC, Porn with Feelings, Self Harm, Yet Another Soulmate AU, attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-06-01 05:00:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 35,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6501712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delmire/pseuds/Delmire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s funny, isn’t it?</p><p>How things that are supposed to be inherently good, can twist around to have the most devastating effects.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's funny, today was supposed to be my off day. No work, no writing, no chores just relaxing with manga, anime and video games. Yet I just spent the last 5 hours writing angst. Like, the next Feel My Heart Beat chapter is fluff, the chapter after that is smutty and yet this is what I ended up writing? Ugh. This idea has been floating around in my head for a few weeks now though. Um, sorry in advance?

It’s funny, isn’t it?

How things that are supposed to be inherently good, can twist around to have the most devastating effects.

Like soulmates.

A perfect person just for you. A destined match that will love you no matter what. Support you through all your endeavours. Humanities ultimate gift.

The perfect love.

And yet… It’s not.

Nothing is perfect.

Each person is born with a tattoo that represents their soulbond, be it to one person or multiple people. The pattern or picture is supposed to represent all people involved in the soulbond, same with the colours. The size is far less important than the location of the tattoo. Very visible or significant locations like above the heart or on the pulse point are indicative of a strong bond. Locations with personal significance are also considered indicative of strong bonds. Easily hidden and insignificant locations are defined as weak soulbonds. 

The soulmate tattoos appear exactly the same in colour, pattern and location on each member of that bond. That is the only way to identify that person.

You think that would make it so easy. 

You have a unique symbol of your love imprinted on you and your soulmates from birth. And with the invention of the internet, massive data bases have been gathered all over the world to house pictures and information of soulmate tattoos. Complete with the ability to tag the type of picture to make it easier to attempt to find your match.

Yet how many people in the world have access to the internet?

Not so many as you would think. 

How many people in third world countries have the ability or inclination to access such a thing? How many millions of people have visual proof of their destined bond but with no ability to search it out? 

How heart wrenching is it to know that somewhere out there is a person perfect for you but yet you can never find them?

And even when you find that other person, what then?

It’s a perfect love for that particular pair or group.

But people aren’t perfect. 

What is perfect for one person, is not perfect for another. Happiness is defined differently a billion times over. 

The perfect love.

Humanities greatest gift.

And yet the news headlines are the best example of how perfect the world is.

_Psychopath Brainwashes Soulmate into Mass Murder!_

_Mass Shooting After Man Discovers Soulmate Cheated!_

_Study Shows Domestic Abuse More Prevalent in Soulmate Couples!_

And what happens when that one perfect gift from the universe dies? No one lives forever.

_Suicide Rate Skyrockets After Mass Shooting, Lost Soulmates the Cause?_

_Government Debates Polices on Suicides After Soulmate Death._

Everyone fears the day their tattoo goes white and they realise that they are completely alone in the world.

How do you gather the strength to go on alone?

People look at those with white tattoos with pity and sadness. They are often avoided purely because it reminds them of the harsh reality of life. 

Perfect doesn’t exist.

Nothing is forever.

It’s funny, perhaps things would have been different for him if soulmates didn’t exist. That perfect gift is the cause of all his pain.

Perhaps it would have been better if she hadn’t been too much of a coward to take her own life after her husband’s death.

*

Akihito will never forget the day he came home from high school to find his mother on the kitchen floor surrounded by glass shards of a broken jar.

The sight of her dead eyes staring at the once vibrant flower on the back of her left hand was burned into memory for ever. Those eyes had been so full of vibrancy and yet now they were dull and lifeless. He didn’t know how long she had been sitting there for, unmoving. But there was no disbelief in her expression. Not even resignation.

Just nothing.

Her eyes were dead and broken.

Akihito hadn’t known what to do. How to respond to the knowledge that somehow his father was dead. That he was never going to see his smiling face again. After long minutes, he had put down his school bag and slowly cleaned up the shattered glass with jerky movements. His mother still hadn’t moved when he was done. So he sat down on the other side of the kitchen and stayed with her. 

Silence reigned for what felt like hours until the sound of a phone broken the spell.

His mother still didn’t move. Even with the phone blaring out in distress on the kitchen bench. Akihito had slowly risen to his feet and shakily picked up the phone. He nearly dropped it trying to answer the call. A smooth male voice sounded out from the device to inform him of what he already knew, all it did was fill in the how.

His father had been killed in a mall shooting. Someone had lost their soulmate and gone on a rampage. They had been attempting to force others to share their pain. Akihito did not remember what he had said in response. A robotic thank you for the call most likely. 

All he remembered was the sudden onslaught of tears and the phone slipping through his nerveless fingers, shattering as it hit the bench. 

Funny how that shattered phone screen perfectly portrayed his new life.

*

It didn’t start off that way of course. It was more of a slow slide. An avalanche that started with a pebble rolling down the mountain, slowly gaining force and momentum.

People with deceased soulmates are carefully watched by the government due to their increased risk of suicide and violent crime. Those who knew the family were encouraged to stop by to check in to make sure everything was okay, especially if children were involved. So there was a constant stream of people stopping by to help Akihito and his mother with chores like cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping.

His mother was forced into counselling services supplied by the government and after a while, she started to come back a little. She would get small periods of time when her eyes weren’t lifeless and she actually seemed to recognise Akihito for what he was, her son. Soon, she was fully conscious most of the time. Akihito was so pleased to have her back that he ignored the broken expression she sometimes wore. It wasn’t long before she learned how to mask it over so well that he almost doubted having seen it in the first place.

Society and the government patted themselves on the back for saving another life and suddenly that was it. Everyone stopped coming around. It was like they had completely forgotten what had happened. 

As the support crumpled, so too did his mother.

She did try; for a start. 

She would put on her mask and attend work as though she was completely fine. She went about her day as though she was a fully functioning adult, laughing and joking with co-workers and performing exceptionally at work. She would get groceries on the weekend and wave to the neighbours. Sometimes you could even catch her humming along to a song playing on the radio as she cleaned the house.

Only Akihito saw through the cracks in her façade. 

There were days when she would come home from work to spend hours just staring into space. The dead eyes fixated on another plain of existence. Days that she would forget to eat. Forget to look after herself. And yet the next morning she would be fine, acting as though nothing happened making the broken expression seem as though it was nothing more than a bad dream.

But as she crumpled those days became more frequent. 

She stopped making lunch for herself and Akihito, leaving behind money for him instead. Sometimes she would forget to get groceries, leaving Akihito to eat whatever he could scrounge around for in the cupboards for dinner. He learned how to make simple but filling meals with very little so that he could get by. He would save the money that she left behind for lunch, instead using that to stock up on basics like rice and bread.

They were managing; barely.

That was until she found solace in the bottom of a bottle of cheap vodka.

The money for lunches almost completely stopped coming, the grocery trips were suddenly few and far between. His mother wouldn’t come home until late, if at all, and when she did, she was often black out drunk. 

Akihito looked after her in silence. Cleaned up the vomit. Got her water. Pulled her shoes off and put her to bed. Left out a simple breakfast that would help her hangover in the morning. 

Yet for all that he was just trying to help, she would yell and scream at him. 

_“Get away! Just looking at your face reminds me of him!”_

_“Why couldn’t it have been you instead?”_

_“Why do I have to live with this? Why couldn’t they have killed me too?”_

He preferred the eerie silence and blank stares to the words that cut through him like a knife. Each question was like a stab through his heart. It was as though she wanted his heart to be as shattered and bloody as her own. Her own twisted way of coping with her suffering. 

He caught himself wondering if maybe it would have been better if she had been allowed to take her own life right at the beginning. 

He hated himself for thinking that. Guilt ridden and heartsick, he stopped taking care of her and holed up in his room when they were home at the same time.

That marked the first crack that started the shattering of his heart.

*

Akihito had hated his soulmate tattoo from a young age.

Objectively he knew it was a beautiful piece of artwork. A massive dragon roared its defiance on his chest above his heart, the body running over his shoulders and wings outstretched across his shoulder blade. Clawed feet sat above his elbow and the sinewy tail curled around his forearm to end at the pulse point on his left wrist. It was all done up in metallic gold, silver and red. A truly stunning piece. The soul mark expert he had been taken to while young had admitted to never before seeing such a large piece with such striking colours. And what a fierce picture to define his soulbond with his fated other. But it was the location that was most significant.

Heart to pulse point.

The strongest soulbond indication that the expert had ever seen.

But that didn’t stop the stares of the other kids. They would point and whisper loudly behind their hands about it. Such an unusual tattoo was coupled with his bright blond hair and blue eyes from his half foreign heritage, so he often found himself at the mercy of the playground bullies. 

The cruelty of jealous peers had Akihito learning to hate his stunning picture. He covered it up, always choosing to wear long sleeves even on the hottest of days. He got less grief for being the weird kid that didn’t seem to feel the heat than being the kid with the glittering dragon tattoo.

In learning to hate it, he began to distance himself from the idea of having a fated other. He hid the tattoo away and refused to think of the other person. Pretended that he didn’t have a soulmate. Pretended so well that sometimes he even believed it himself.

In high school, it was both easier and harder to hide. He would get in trouble for not wearing the correct gym uniform and for skipping swimming lessons but it was well worth the trouble maker label. A little bit of rebellion was cool after all and he found he was able to make friends.

A little rebellion was cool and expected of a teenage boy. Being a delinquent and always broke was not. 

Sympathy was granted to him upon his father’s death. People in his class would make sure he was eating and teachers would make sure that he was okay to follow the class, offering extensions for work if required. He would get dragged out to do things after school in an effort to cheer him up.

But much like with his mother, his support also crumpled. 

Teachers stopped being so lenient. His friends stopped shouting him things or offering him part of their own lunches. 

It happened slowly over time but Akihito didn’t seem to notice until suddenly. It was like being doused in cold water. His so-called friends had stopped inviting him out to places. He could hear them whispering behind their hands.

_“Ugh, he’s such a loser. He’s really still relying on pity to get free lunch?”_

_“Why would we invite him? It’s not like he ever pays for anything.”_

_“I felt sorry for him in the beginning but it looks like he’s showing his true colours. Always begging for a free ride.”_

That night he went home to a dark, cold house with empty cupboards.

That was the second crack in the shattering of his heart.

*

Akihito didn’t notice that he had been given the delinquent label until he heard a teacher mutter it under his breath one day when he was dragging his feet, trying to delay the inevitability of the next class. He had paused then, staring at the teacher in surprise and was treated to a glare in response.

After school he looked at his appearance in the bathroom mirror for the first time in a long time. 

He didn’t recognise the person staring back at him.

Scruffy blond hair that was too long and greasy curtesy of the lack of money for shampoo and haircuts. A threadbare and worn uniform that barely fit him now. It was also not the cleanest for the same reasons as his hair. His uniform looked as though he had gotten in a fight. 

But it was his face that stunned him the most. Gone was any hint of fat and cold, almost hard eyes stared back at him. 

He wasn’t a delinquent but maybe using that label wasn’t so bad. If they were just going to give it to him anyway, may as well take advantage right? It’s not like he had anything to lose.

So he took on the mantel of that label and wore it like armour. To hide the shortness and overall poor state of his uniform, he wore it incorrectly. He didn’t deny rumours of fighting and started sitting at the back of the class. When he ran out of stationary, he just didn’t bring any and ignored the glare of the teacher. He resorted to stealing some paper and a pen from the school office one afternoon. It was a thrilling feeling of adrenaline when he realised he didn’t get caught. 

That high feeling died when it sunk in just what he had done.

Akihito didn’t want to screw over what little opportunities his future held though and so made sure to continue to attend all of his classes. But slowly he noticed that he was beginning to fall behind. He didn’t have the books required for that year and the library’s copies were always issued out. He had seen one of the ‘good’ boys in class ask for copies of certain sections of the textbooks from teachers as his family was apparently too poor to buy the books and the teachers had always been happy to help out, thrilled that he was showing such initiative in approaching them for help.

So Akihito took a deep breath and approached a teacher after class to ask if he could also get a copy.

The teacher immediately said no and snidely told him that if he had enough money to dye his hair, he had enough money to buy a text book. Akihito didn’t bother to correct him and had turned to exit the class in silence.

Each teacher he approached that day all denied him and said similar things. 

That marked the third crack in the shattering of his heart.

*

Unsurprisingly, he failed the exams that term.

He came home one day soon after the results were released to find his mother standing in the kitchen with a piece of paper in shaking hands. It had been weeks since he had last seen her in person. Weeks since they had last spoken to each other.

He approached cautiously and she whipped around at his approach. 

“Failed. You failed all your exams. Every. Single. Exam. What are you even alive for?” Her voice went shrill at the end. She started yelling after that but Akihito didn’t hear her. He didn’t care what she said, he was just happy that she was noticing him. She could yell and scream all she wanted as long as she was acknowledging his existence. He was giddily happy at finally seeing something else on her face than those dead, blank eyes.

Until she slapped him across the face, her nails scoring marks across his cheek. He stood frozen on the spot as she stormed out of the house.

Somehow he knew that it was different this time. That her leaving right then meant something bad but he couldn’t make his body move enough to try and stop her. When he did finally move it was to sink to the ground on that same spot as tears tracked down his cheeks. He stayed there throughout the night.

She never came home.

He never saw her again.

That marked the fourth crack in the shattering of his heart.

*

Akihito came to school late the next morning with a bruised cheek and large bags under his eyes. The teacher just snorted and made a snide comment about him being in a street fight. Insinuated he was just going to end up worthless trash at this rate.

He started to skip school after that. He lost the will to try. His mother had been missing for days now and he had resorted to stealing and rifling through rubbish for food. He didn’t know the best way to steal and more than once ended up being beaten up because of it. 

He came to school battered and bruised when he came at all. The other students made rude comments behind his back and the teachers just started ignoring him completely. He wasn’t sure what was worse.

It was coming home one day to find the power disconnected that snapped something inside of him. 

Standing in the dark entryway of the house, Akihito had never felt so alone.

That was also the day he discovered an outlet for that feeling. He stumbled on something as he made his way through the pitch black house and felt the sharp pain through his foot.

It felt good.

It was as though he was physically feeling the pain he felt on the inside. It was a more tangible pain somehow. 

That was how he found himself sitting in the dim light of the bathroom with a razor blade in hand. He carefully traced the blade along the outline of his soulmate tattoo, the oozing red of blood marring the hated pattern. The relief he felt was intense. It felt as though all the bottled up emotions from the previous months were oozing out from his veins along with the blood. The dull pain that the blade left in its wake just seemed to match the pain he felt inside. It was as though his pain was more real now.

That day marked the fifth crack in the shattering of his heart.

*

The days all blurred together after that. Akihito didn’t even notice the stares and whispers he got at school anymore. Didn’t notice the looks of mounting concern as he rapidly lost weight and skipped more and more classes.

Yet for all the supposed concern, no one tried to approach him.

The teachers were worse than ever and when Akihito did bother to go to class, he usually just ended up in detention for some stupid reason. People stared more than ever and he stopped even bothering to hide his soulmate mark. What was the point?

Cutting quickly began to be the only way he could relieve the pain and loneliness he felt. It would build up inside of him, feeling like a great pressure that couldn’t be eased until the sharp pain of a blade slicing through his skin released it all at once.

That day he sat upon the school roof top and slowly carved the out pattern of his tattoo. His eyes were glazed over, not really seeing and his fingers were slick with blood. The sun shone down and a light breeze ruffed his clothes. 

It was a perfect day. 

Such fake perfection felt like the world was mocking him. It should be storming, thundering down to match his mood. Everything felt surreal.

When Akihito’s focus came back down to earth, he stared at his wrist in surprise. The amount of blood was startling. It oozed down his wrist more freely than usual and the pain was far stronger too. 

For once, he actually felt the pain as it was.

It alarmed him. Scared him. 

The razor blade fell from numb fingers and he stumbled to his feet. Akihito made his way down to the nurse’s office. Not once since he had started school had he ever been. But the blood was still flowing and he felt fear for the first time in so long. He approached the nurse’s office with some trepidation but moved forward after taking a deep breath. 

He knocked and entered the office, cradling his arm to his chest. The small, usually smiling nurse gave him a critical look over and frowned.

“H-hi. I cut my arm and was hoping you could bandage it up?”

She scowled at him. “Got in a fight did you? You can bandage it up yourself. The first aid kit is over there.” She gestured vaguely behind herself and turned back to her paperwork, opting to ignore him.

“Um, could you please help me?”

She cast a glare at him before putting her attention back on her work and spoke dismissively. “You were the one who got into a fight, you can learn to clean up after yourself. And don’t go using all the bandages, we’re underfunded and you delinquents aren’t worth all the cost.”

He stood and stared at her for a long time before slowly turning and walking from the room. She snorted as he left and she spoke loud enough that for him to hear.

“Can’t be that bad if you’re leaving then.”

That was the first time he had ever asked for help.

That was the first time someone had told him he wasn’t worth it and he believed them.

That marked the time that his heart completely shattered.

He stuck his hands in his pockets and slowly made his way back to the roof. He could feel the steady drips of blood running down his hand and into his pocket. Ignoring all the stares at his bloody clothes, he walked on unaware of his blank and broken expression. Unaware that he was a perfect image of his mother at that point.

Akihito felt surprisingly calm considering what he was about to do.

There was only a fleeting feeling of guilt that he was about to do to someone else what was done to his mother. 

Give someone else a white soulmate mark.

Finally back at the roof top, Akihito sat back down in the same place as before and picked up the bloody razor blade. He contemplated it for a bit before sighing. 

He felt so curiously numb.

Like there was nothing left. He couldn’t even cry for his soulmate who was going to be put in the same position as his mother soon. When was the last time he had cried? He didn’t remember. He felt a strange pang of guilt at being unable to shed them a tear. They deserved that much at least.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered to the sky. “I know it’s not fair to do this to you and I didn’t want to cause you pain but I just can’t do this anymore.”

Dry eyed and determined, Akihito raised the blade and plunged it into his wrist, deeper than before. The pain made him gasp and the blade fell from fingers too slicked with blood to maintain their grip.

He sat back, head resting on the concrete wall behind him and closed his eyes. 

After a while he couldn’t hear any of the school chatter or city noise on the wind. The sun caressed his face in loving warmth and beckoned him into darkness.

It was funny that something so terrifying as the prospect of death could be so peaceful.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asami's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. This is going to have multiple chapters. I realised with what I had planned for the healing, it would just be too long to cram into one chapter. So there will be a couple, I have no idea how many though. Also congrats on an update when I didn't think I would have any writing time for another few days at least. However I have a specialist appointment at the hospital today and couldn't swap my shift at work so they told me I had to call in sick and that I couldn't just work before and after it, so weird. Kinda nice getting a little calming writing time before and after though ^^

When Asami felt the pain stab through his wrist far more powerfully than before he knew exactly what his soulmate had done. 

Ghost pain, or the feeling of pain that is not your own but actually your soulmates, was not something he had ever felt until recently. He had initially been surprised by the sharp pain that had flickered across his wrist. It hadn’t hurt much but it was sharp enough that he could pinpoint the exact location on his skin where his soulmate had been hurt. Right across the end of the dragons tail on his wrist. He wondered what on earth could have happened to make him be able to get a glimpse of the pain. Most people never felt any form of ghost pain but it wasn’t so uncommon as to be unheard of. Usually highly traumatic events or between people who were very close. Seeing as he had yet to track down his soulmate, he assumed it was the former. All he could do was spare a quick thought for his soulmate, wherever they were, and move on with his day.

When it happened again in a similar manner, he started to suspect what was going on. By the third time, he knew for certain. They were cutting. He felt a pang of regret that he had been unsuccessful at tracking his other half down. What had happened that had led them to self-harm? And why could Asami feel the pain? As it continued and rapidly spiralled out of control, he wondered if the ghost pain was more due to the mental anguish than the pain of the cutting itself. Asami also noticed with mixed feelings that the cutting seemed to follow the lines of the soulmate tattoo. Was it just to hide away the marks easier or was there something deeper driving it? Did they hate the thought of Asami so very much? Were they against the very idea of soulmates and that was why Asami could never find them, no matter how hard he looked?

Asami himself could not afford to put a picture or any of his own information online. Far too dangerous. But he had kept up with the various data bases and looked through thousands of pictures of tattoos that matched the ‘dragon’ search term. Nothing. It was as though they didn’t want to be found. Or perhaps they didn’t care either way. 

As the days went by and the cutting escalated, Asami’s searching became more frantic. Somewhere out there his soulmate was hurting, it felt like they were drowning in it, and yet he couldn’t find them. Most people tended to have soulmates from the same country but a good number of people had soulmates from other countries too. Was his soulmate in Japan? Even if they were, that was still far too many people to search through.

When he felt a flash of pain great enough to cause his own hand to spasm in response not long after the last round of cutting, he knew what his soulmate was trying to do. For the first time in his life, Asami found himself praying. He didn’t know exactly who he was praying to but he just desperately prayed for someone to find them and get them to a hospital. Asami grabbed his phone, ignoring Kirishima who was looking at him in alarm, and dialled the last number he had saved into his phone. There was a helpline you could call if you felt intense ghost pain that would check all the hospitals in the country to try and match the area of the pain and the soul mark. More and more now days, people would know the names of their soulmates but not always. Thus the line was funded by the government and manned by volunteers to help those find their other half when great trauma had struck.

As he spoke down the line, he kept one eye on his soulmate mark. He didn’t even want to think about what he would do if it went white. He had waited far too long to meet this person, he couldn’t be too late. Please let someone have found them. Details on the injury site, suspicions over what caused the injury along with a description of their soulmate tattoo and his contact information, before Asami ended the call. They promised to contact him back as soon as they found anything or in an hour if they hadn’t. This could be an agonising wait. He was surprised out of his thoughts by Kirishima placing a rather generous tumbler of whisky down on the desk in front of him. He nodded to the man in thanks and knocked the entire thing back in one go. Kirishima didn’t comment on what he had heard on the phone call, he just pulled up a chair in front of Asami’s imposing desk and started quietly running through some documents. Asami himself couldn’t set his mind to focus on anything but appreciated the company through his silent vigil. 

It felt like he stopped breathing when his phone rang only five minutes later. He had never before felt such a desperate feeling of trepidation and hope, it swirled through him and felt like it was going to set his very soul on fire. He picked up the phone and waited with baited breath, his soulmate tattoo was still coloured so they had to still be alive…

Takaba Akihito, aged 17, currently en route to Yokohama Central Hospital. Found with a slit left wrist on his schools rooftop by a fellow student who was also accompanying the ambulance. 

Asami thanked the operator and made a mental note to donate some funds to the project. Anything volunteer run, even with government assistance, always needed more donations. He fired off the details to Kirishima as he strode out of the office and made his way down to the garage. A car was just pulling up as the elevator opened up and Kirishima got the door for him. 

“Please take at least few days off to spend with them and let me know if you need anything. I will personally organise it.”

Asami nodded in thanks as he slipped inside the limo. Work was the last thing on his mind right now. The door clicked shut and then the vehicle was smoothly pulling out of the garage and onto the busy Tokyo streets. He decided to use the time travelling to search the internet on his phone to find any information about his little soulmate now that he finally knew his name.

Takaba Akihito.

The search pulled up frustratingly little. However there was a record of his father’s death some months ago, not that long before he started to feel the ghost pain. There was nothing about his mother but if they were a soulmate pair then that would perhaps explain some of what led to such mental anguish. He wondered if his mother was one of the governments ‘saved’ victims. Someone still alive but just a hollow shell of their prior selves. Suicide was a pandemic in this day and age, although rarely by someone without a white tattoo. The first world societies had the means to be able to have most of their people find their destined others but with it came a dependence and the inability to cope on one’s own. Asami was a rare case, not having found his soulmate by his age, and many assumed he was either lying or his partner was overseas somewhere. Turns out it was more to do with age difference. Still, teenagers were most likely to post their picture online and try to find their others, so why hadn’t he?

Most importantly, what had happened to Takaba Akihito for him to give up?

Asami detested weak people who wouldn’t stand up for themselves or wouldn’t fight for themselves so he had always assumed his soulmate would have some fire to them. The defiantly roaring dragon on his chest just backed that theory up, so what on earth would break someone like that? His swirling thoughts were the only thing to keep him company during his drive. He could only feel relief as they pulled up to the hospital. He was a man of action and just sitting waiting in the car while they drove the nearly hour trip was agonising.

They pulled up to the emergency entrance and Asami immediately exited the car. He ignored the looks his entrance got as the limo pulled away from the curb to no doubt find a park somewhere else. Thankfully the operator had called ahead like she said she would and as soon as Asami rattled off his name and his soulmates name then flashing his tattoo in confirmation, he was being led to the short stay ward where Akihito was currently residing. A nurse accompanied him into a room and pulled back a large blue privacy curtain, gesturing him inside. He strode through and stopped to take in the first view of his soulmate.

He was sitting on the bed, white sheets pooling on his lap. His left wrist was bound tightly in bandages and his right wrist was hooked up to an IV drip. Blonde hair fell into blue eyes, it was too long and greasy. His face was gaunt and a kind of sickly grey colour. What Asami could see of his school uniform was ill-fitting, worn incorrectly and dirty as well. There was clearly neglect and he felt the rage building inside at his state. It clicked one more piece into the puzzle. His gaze flicked over to the boy sitting in the chair next to the bed. In contrast, his uniform sat perfectly, the image of a model student. If one looked closely, you could tell it was worn but it was clearly treated with care and kept clean and tidy. He had close cropped dark hair and was looking at Asami in clear relief. He looked back at his little soulmate who was still mutely staring with wide eyes. 

“I’ll… ah, leave you to it. I hope you get better soon.” The young man stood awkwardly and made to leave before Asami stopped him.

“And you are?”

“Bando Arita, sir. I’m in Takaba’s class and was the one who called the ambulance. I was going to offer him to stay with me if he didn’t have anywhere to go until the nurse came in and said his soulmate had called the helpline and was on their way. I decided to stay until you arrived, but I won’t interrupt your meeting.”

Asami nodded and spoke quietly; “Thank you.” 

The young man seemed a little startled at the thanks but bowed and quickly made his way out with one last wave to Akihito. Asami didn’t think he looked that imposing but perhaps something of his inner turmoil was showing on his face. He turned his attention back to his soulmate and moved to take the newly vacated chair. They sat just watching the other for a few moments before Akihito finally spoke. His voice was quiet, almost trembling, and he averted his eyes as he spoke.

“They said you felt what I did. Sorry for causing you pain.”

“I’m not.” Akihito’s head jerked up and he looked at him with wide eyes. “If I didn’t feel it, I wouldn’t be able to meet you right now. I’ve been feeling it ever since you started cutting.” The blonde flinched at that and his gaze slid away once again. “I’ve been looking for you for a while but at least I have found you now. It took me nearly an hour to get here from Tokyo, do you not have any family here?”

Akihito shook his head and seemed to draw into himself a little. “No. No one.”

Asami weighed up his next words before just ploughing ahead. He needed to know, even if it was still too fresh in Akihito’s mind. “I read the article about your father’s death on the way here. It doesn’t mention your mother however.”

“She just never came back.” Akihito was starting to shake now and Asami felt his heart ache at the sight. “The power shut off at home and I had to steal food and no one cared and…” He trailed off after a sob caught in his throat. 

Asami stood and made his way around the bed to the side opposite the IV drip. He climbed onto the bed and gently pulled Akihito into his arms, remembering his grandmother’s words from his teens. Actions can speak louder than words, Ryuichi. When you find that soulmate of yours, make sure you always hold them tight, okay? She was a big believer in physical contact to show affection and show the truth or lie in words. Words are wind in this day and age. People so rarely seem to say what they mean. They sat there for a few tense moments before Akihito finally let go and started to sob. It was a quiet, broken sound and it tore Asami to pieces. All he could do was sit and hold Akihito, silently wishing to take away all his pain.

It was a long time before the tears stopped and they were able to officially introduce themselves.

***

Akihito was released into Asami’s care within 48 hours, once they were certain the wound would heal without infection. There would most likely be a nasty scar but he would heal. Asami had used the waiting time to find out about Akihito’s relatives and start moving him to Tokyo. Although it turned out that that was unnecessary.

Akihito’s mother seemed as though she had fallen off the face of the planet. He had made some discreet inquiries and it seemed that her work place had fired her after three consecutive days with no show, no calls. The mortgage on the house was about to go into default and there was nothing in the house that Akihito wanted to keep. Asami himself had walked around the house and had gathered a few photographs to put away for Akihito. Later, once he had healed, he might like to go through them again and remember the good times they had. The photos of a younger Akihito with both parents, showed all smiling faces and exuded love. No wonder the deaths had hit him hard. He had no living grandparents either, just an estranged Aunt on his mother’s side whose whereabouts was unknown. 

The furniture was donated, the house cleaned and would soon be going on the market, the profits to pay off the mortgage. Akihito’s mother was declared missing, most likely suicide.

And Akihito was coming to Tokyo to live with him. 

They had talked a little at the hospital but it was hard to drag any words out of Akihito. Sometimes he would just up and blurt everything out at once as though he couldn’t contain them anymore but otherwise he was quiet and withdrawn. He had perked up a little at the laptop and smart phone that he had brought in for him. A quiet and rather shy thanks was given. Bando had dropped by the hospital with some homemade sweets and insisted on exchanging contact information with Akihito. He was constantly sending Akihito little messages throughout the day, nothing that necessarily required a response but seemed to lift his spirits regardless. Asami was pleased that his little soulmate at least had one friend to try and help him through. The honours student had proved instrumental in figuring out exactly what had happened to Akihito.

Akihito himself was completely unforthcoming with what had driven him into such a corner, other than his initial breakdown with Asami, and it was Bando’s information combined with the state of his family home that had helped them understand what was going on. 

Left alone and neglected by a bereaved mother. Ignored and scorned by teachers at school. So lost and alone that he couldn’t handle the pain. Unable to reach out for help and even when he did, the attempt was laughed off.

Bando was from a poor but loving family and focused everything on his studies leading him to be the top student in Akihito’s grade. He had confessed to noticing Akihito because he had been jealous, he was always seen with an easy going smile and infectious laugh. He seemed to be friends with everyone, the complete opposite to Bando’s almost painful shyness. So he had noticed the change in Akihito after he lost his father. He noticed the rumours and the distance created by his peers. He saw how the teachers called Akihito delinquent and treated him differently, even when he reached out for help. He watched, unsure if he should reach out to help, unsure how to do so with someone that was virtually a stranger.

Bando was in the nurses office the day Akihito walked in and asked for help. He saw the alarming amount of blood soaking through the school shirt and he watched in disbelief as the nurse virtually ignored the teen. The same nurse that had just spent so much time fussing over him and his simple headache. 

He watched as something seemed to shatter inside of Akihito, how his expression flickered through so many emotions before settling on grim determination. He told of how that look made his blood run cold. Something wasn’t right. Bando had watched as Akihito walked away and he worried about what was going to happen. He knew something was going to happen. It wasn’t until the nurse made some offhand comment to Bando about how he was so much better than Akihito did he snap into action. Headache forgotten, he had raced out of the infirmary and headed for the rooftops. He had seen Akihito go that way on many lunch breaks before and just hoped his assumption was correct.

He had found Akihito bleeding out on the rooftop, head back with eyes closed and was completely unresponsive to Bando’s panic shouts. He had dialled the ambulance and stayed with him until Asami had arrived at the hospital. 

The poor kid was ridden with guilt that he had seen what was going on but not tried to help in some way. He was now determined to be there for Akihito, to be his friend regardless if he wanted it or not. Akihito himself didn’t seem to know how to handle the sudden, aggressive friendship but Asami found himself pleased by the dedication the honours student was showing his soulmate.

He was far less pleased by the schools negligence however. There was about to be a media circus and absolute hell to pay. He was going to make sure that the entire nation knew about their atrocious care. It was going to take generations for the school to earn back their reputation by the time Asami was through with them. 

In the meantime, he had found a new school for Akihito in Tokyo. It was a private school but one that didn’t condone the normal elitism found in other prestigious private schools and had an extensive scholarship program that was funded partially by the private fees. Such polices were things Asami could happily get behind and he ensured he made a donation to the scholarship program. From what little he had found out about his soulmate, hanging around with the elite and privileged was not something he would really enjoy. At the same time, he wasn’t about to send him back to a public school and risk a repeat of his old teachers. This particular school was difficult to get into and Asami was once more thankful for his prestige and money. It was something he usually took as a matter of course but it had allowed for them to take Akihito’s situation into consideration and accepted him onto their roll for the new quarter starting in a months’ time. 

Akihito had only nodded mutely when Asami had told him. 

The obvious withdrawal of his soulmate was concerning, especially when compared with Bando’s description of the teen from before his father died. He had arranged for some ongoing sessions with a psychologist but was unsure if he would be able to get Akihito to agree to go or even more critical, agree to cooperate. Asami himself disliked the analysing sessions and refused to see one when it was suggested to him in the past but he was well aware how unequipped he was to handle the emotional scars from Akihito’s experience. Emotions were something he was wholly unused to and rather detached from if he was honest. Letting emotions rule you was a recipe for ruin in his world. But it seems like he would have to make some concessions now that he had his soulmate in his life. Especially one so fragile. 

Asami had taken some time off work to help Akihito settle in but also to keep an eye on him to make sure he wasn’t tempted to harm himself again. All the change was no doubt jarring and stressful but the teen seemed numb to it. He didn’t speak on the ride from the hospital back to the penthouse in Tokyo and seemed to barely pay attention as Asami showed him around his new home. He was relieved when he finally got a reaction showing his soulmate his new bedroom. It was small, originally an unused guest room, but it would be his to do as he pleased with. Asami had Kirishima organise a quick makeover of the room while Akihito was in hospital. Inside was a small but comfortable bed with brightly coloured blankets and a large array of differently sized puffy pillows. Matching modern drawers and bedside table along with a sturdy wooden desk and comfortable office chair. There was a quirky zigzag style bookshelf that had been installed on the wall yesterday that would look good with anything from books to ornaments. There was a fluffy rug in the middle of the floor and a massive red beanbag sat in the corner of the room. Overall it was brightly coloured and well lit, a far cry from the rest of the penthouse but hopefully it was a little more inviting to the teen.

“This… This is for me?” Akihito’s voice was trembling slightly but he seemed to be trying hard to ignore it.

“Yes. This is your space, you can decorate it as you like but I thought it would be nice to start you off. Same with the rest of the penthouse, let me know if you would like to change anything, it’s your house too now. Tomorrow we will go shopping, we don’t have to get much if you don’t want, but at least some clothes for you to wear that fit you. I’m sure you’ll find that you make friends at school and they will be more fun to go shopping with than myself. But you could always look online for some ideas for tomorrow. The rest of today is just to relax and settle in. I thought we could watch a movie or two and order in for dinner.” Akihito was silent, just staring into the room with his back to Asami. “In the meantime, I have some old clothes that you can wear. They won’t fit well but they will be more comfortable than what you are wearing right now at least. My secretary is going to pick up a few things in your size later today so you will have something to wear properly later.”

Asami took to quietly observing Akihito once he still didn’t get a reply. He noticed with a start that the teen’s shoulders were shaking. His soulmate whipped around to look at Asami; tears were streaming down his face and his expression was twisted in confusion and pain.

“Why?!”

“Why what?” He kept voice soft and even, a calm counterpoint to Akihito’s near yell.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Do you truly think you are undeserving of kindness?” The very thought that Akihito didn’t feel like he deserved something even as small as this made his heart contract painfully. He wanted to reach out for Akihito, gather him in his arms like he did at the hospital but he could see with the way he was standing, almost as though he was about to attack, that he wouldn’t necessarily react well to such closeness.

“I can’t…” Akihito had to stop to take a shuddering breath in and gather himself. It looked like he was trying desperately to keep himself together enough to speak. “I can’t ever repay you for something like this.”

“Why would you need to?”

“Because… Because I don’t want to be in your debt for the rest of my life!” His voice went shrill at the end and Asami finally gave in to the need to have his soulmate close. He grabbed Akihito and pulled him forward, grabbing him by the wrists when he made to break free and pulled him tight against his chest, arms trapped between their bodies. He lifted Akihito’s chin up so they were looking into each other’s eyes, almost nose to nose.

“Then give me your life.” Akihito’s brow furrowed in confusion and Asami clarified. “You tried to take your own life,” His soulmate flinched, it was the first time Asami had mentioned the fact at all, let alone so bluntly. “If you don’t want it, then give it to me. Your entire life. Each of your tomorrows. I will give you the entire world if that’s what it will take so that you are so indebted to me that you will give me your everything in return. You might still be barely more than a kid but I’m not your parent, I’m your soulmate. I won’t help you heal then throw you away to be on your own. I want you right here, in my arms, for the rest of our lives.” 

Asami leaned forward to seal his vow with a kiss. It was a chaste thing, barely more than lips pressed against lips but it was filled with promise. A promise of more to come, a promise of a future; of forever. When he pulled back, all of Akihito’s last shreds of resistance crumbled and he finally broke down into full body-wracking sobs. He clung desperately to Asami and he wrapped Akihito up in his arms tightly in return. 

The healing hadn’t even begun yet, Akihito’s heart still lay shattered in pieces on the floor but it was a start. 

He could work with that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first shattered piece gets put back into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shattered chapters are so hard D: I swear it takes me twice as long to write one of these chapters as anything else. Also: The age of consent (for sex) in Japan as a whole is 13 and for smoking and alcohol is 20. Some prefectures have different ages of consent however, Tokyo being 17. Just to let you know that Akihito is not underage in this fic (except for alcohol).

Akihito looked around the store with wide eyes. He wasn’t entirely sure he had ever stepped foot in somewhere so fancy before. Maybe he should have expected this after what Asami’s penthouse looked like and his blasé attitude towards possible renovations but still, this was not what Akihito had envisioned when he was told they were going shopping. Rack upon rack of designer and label clothing stood in front of him while Asami seemed to be explaining something to some very attentive store clerks. The entire store had been closed down just for them to shop in and honestly, Akihito was left reeling at the treatment. He was pretty sure this was the shop most of his classmates stood in the windows to ogle at all hottest clothing out right now. Ex-classmates, he mentally corrected with a bitter twist to his lips.

“Akihito.”

He turned back around to face his soulmate and walked forward when he was beckoned closer. One of the attendants gave him a reassuring smile as though he was some skittering small animal. Akihito just frowned more. 

“They are going to measure you and then show you a selection of things that will fit you. You can pick whatever you want.”

The teen opened his mouth to protest but clicked it shut at Asami’s raised eyebrow and instead let himself be lead away to a fitting area. He didn’t want this. Not the clothes so much, he knew he needed clothes, that was just practical, but the attention. Two attendants flittered around him, one with a measuring tape and one writing down the figures. He had been practically invisible for months, no one looked twice at him unless it was to sneer. Yet now to have Asami’s undivided attention was intense. He did nothing to earn or deserve this kind of kindness but his thoughts kept drifting back to the day before. 

_“I will give you the entire world if that’s what it will take so that you are so indebted to me that you will give me your everything in return.”_

Did soulmates really mean so much? He had spent so much of his time desperately hiding the mark and ignoring the whole concept yet now he was lumped in with the man who was supposed to be perfect for him according to some weird force of nature. 

Still he was hesitant. 

Even though the man had done nothing but be nice, if Akihito started relying on him, what would happen if he died? No one was safe. The news headlines confirmed that as cold, hard fact. Maybe he would be left with money this time, he snorted at the thought then ducked his head in embarrassment at the inquisitive looks, but he would still be alone. No, he would accept things for now but he couldn’t let himself trust this man. Soulmate or not, he had already made his choice.

_“You tried to take your own life, if you don’t want it, then give it to me. Your entire life. Each of your tomorrows.”_

But every time he felt himself giving into those thoughts, Asami’s words just came back louder than before. It had been one day, one day that was mostly spent in silence while they watched TV and ate food, and yet he was already starting to get under his skin. Akihito gritted his teeth in frustration. Why couldn’t he let go of those words? Asami might be his soulmate but the man was practically a stranger. No, scratch that, he _was_ a stranger. So why did those words hold so much weight? And why did that kiss make him feel like he was shattering to pieces all over again? It was barely a press of lips together, a child’s kiss really. Ugh, he could feel himself getting teary just at the thought of that conversation.

How?

How was he able to do this to Akihito? A few pretty words and a kiss and he was reduced to tears. What bullshit was this whole soulmate thing anyway?

Akihito was torn from his thoughts by a sudden flurry of activity around him. The store attendants were coordinating to bring over a large selection of clothing and the object of his confusion approached. The golden eyed man slipped his phone back into his pocket and took a plush looking seat at the back of the fitting area. He must have been on his phone while Akihito was being measured, he supposedly had a week off work but he seemed to on the phone a lot, the blonde could only wonder what he did that he needed to be constantly sought approval from. He wasn’t going to ask though. Nope. Nothing to do with him.

The next hour was a whirlwind of trying on clothes and choosing his favourite patterns. There was a big mix from more formal wear, street casual to funny and quirky prints. Apparently you could even get underwear, socks and pyjamas here. Akihito carefully avoided looking at the price tags after catching sight of a pair of jeans with an obscene amount of zeros on its tag. But he was keen on that one set of pyjamas that had the softest material he had ever come across, it was like fabric cloud. That was worth every penny.

Akihito was now dressed in some already comfortably worn jeans and a casual shirt to wear out of the store from his new wardrobe. Some kind of delivery must have been arranged because they were walking out of the store without any bags and even without the clothes that Akihito had arrived in. 

“Would you like sushi for lunch?”

The teen jolted and looked up into warm eyes before flinching slightly and letting his gaze slide away. He nodded mutely before trailing after the larger man as he strode off. They wound up outside a nice looking restaurant and were quickly ushered inside. A large, warm hand snuck around his waist possessively to rest at the small of his back and quickly the heat seeped through his shirt. Asami used it to guide him through the restaurant until they were sitting at a counter right up where the food was being prepared. It was relatively quiet, being a little early for lunch normally, but the atmosphere was nicer for it. Akihito was actually quite hungry now, having skipped breakfast, but he had been too pre-occupied to notice until they had arrived. He wondered if Asami knew he hadn’t eaten and that’s why he suggested an early lunch. He squashed down that thought before it had any chance to cause any more unwanted feelings. The man was probably just hungry.

Akihito ordered a sushi set consisting of all his favourites and watched in awe as it was prepared expertly in front of him. When the small plates were set down in front of him, he excitedly dug in. They tasted just as good as they looked. He devoured plate after plate of delicious sushi while Asami only sample a few along with some miso soup. Akihito ignored the implications that the man had indeed acted for Akihito’s benefit, the thought left too many odd feelings and questions lingering in his mind. 

All finished and the meal paid for, they both left the establishment and ambled their way through more shops. Akihito picked up one or two things but otherwise was content just following along. He pointedly ignored Asami’s intense gaze following his disinterested movements and instead just let it all wash over him. He couldn’t bring himself to care about whether or not there were books on his bookshelf or if he liked the look of his wallet. What did it matter? Why would he care about such things? He was fine with nothing. 

Why waste money on one such as himself?

He swayed on the spot, everything seemed too loud all of a sudden. There were too many people and their presence seemed to press down on him. He felt as though everyone was looking at him, judging him, weighing him up with their gazes. Why were they looking at him? He was nothing, just an invisible shell of a person. Akihito hunched over and grabbed at his stomach. The comfortable full feeling from before disappeared and instead the heavy weight of the food in his stomach was uncomfortable. His stomach roiled and it was all Akihito could do not to hurl then and there.

“Akihito, are you okay?” A now familiar presence registered at his side and a hand reached around to touch his back. Akihito flinched away from the contact and curled further in on himself.

“I don’t feel so good.” He whispered. The hand pressed more firmly against him and he was quickly being led out of the shop. Akihito focused his entire being on putting one foot in front of the other. The warm hand felt like it was a burning brand against his back but somehow it helped to keep him grounded. Another twist then turn and then he was being pushed through a doorway. The sudden smell of bleach hit him like a punch to the gut and he lost the contents of his stomach in the doorway of the men’s bathroom. Asami managed to manoeuvre him into a stall for the next convulsion of his stomach and most of it landed in a white toilet bowl that time. His stomach wouldn’t let up until he was retching up nothing but stomach acid while tears streamed down his face. 

Finally he seemed to be done and he curled up on himself, trembling violently, his body wracked with sobs. He was forced to uncurl slightly when large hands lifted his head up and gentle fingers wiped away his tears. He slowly became aware of his surroundings again. Of Asami’s deep voice murmuring soothingly, one continuous stream of praise and reassurances. A plastic cup was held up to his lips and he was gently instructed to wash out his mouth. The water barely did anything to remove the foul, acrid taste of stomach acid that lingered on his tongue. After a few minutes, Akihito was being helped shakily to his feet and he properly took in his surroundings, wincing at the disgusting mess he would be leaving behind.

He was ushered out from the stall and Asami was handing him a paper towel to wash his face at the sink. Akihito glanced into the mirror, his face was drawn and pale. He looked as awful as he felt. A movement in the mirror caught his eye and he looked through the mirror to see an older man with a mop and a bucket. He flushed in shame and looked away. He was just creating work for someone else. Could he not do anything right? Asami must have caught his look because he spoke quietly.

“It’s okay, these things happen. No need to worry over it.”

He couldn’t meet his eyes. Akihito felt pathetic, the still sick feeling in is stomach and the bitter taste in his mouth just emphasised the feeling. He had freaked out over what? Some random people that he thought were looking at him when they probably weren’t paying him any attention. If anything, they had probably been looking at Asami. The man’s looks and demeanour demanded attention, why would anyone care about Akihito next to Asami? And yet he had freaked out other nothing and now some poor elderly janitor was being forced to clean up his disgusting mess. 

Asami sighed, pulling away the paper towel that was being shredded in his hands and depositing it in the bin. “Come on, let’s go home.” Akihito let himself be led from the bathroom. The kind and gentle smile from the janitor just made him feel even worse. Asami’s hand remained on his back, leading him through the shopping complex and out into the fresh air. Somehow the limo was already waiting for them, idling in the pickup zone and the teen gratefully clambered inside. He relaxed slightly as the darkened windows blocked out the feeling of people staring. He let his shoulders drop and a sigh made its way past his lips as the door slammed shut behind Asami and then they were taking off into the traffic. 

“Would you like to tell me what happened?”

Asami tone was mild but there was something about the way he said it that suggested he knew it was more than just Akihito eating too much. He froze as he desperately tried to think of a legitimate excuse without admitting that he freaked out over peoples imaginary stares. Nothing came to mind so he took a chance that maybe he was just imagining things still.

“I uh… Just must have eaten a little too much… Guess I’m not used to it.” The excuse rang hollow in his own ears but Asami didn’t say anything for a while, just stared at him. Akihito kept his own gaze locked on the floor.

“And that’s why you were fine for nearly two hours after lunch before it hit?”

Akihito flinched as though the words physically struck him. He saw right through him from the start. He kept his gaze averted but said nothing. Asami sighed again.

“If you tell me what happened then we can look at avoiding certain situations while you work through it.” He paused obviously waiting for Akihito to respond but kept talking when he didn’t. “There’s no shame in admitting to weakness, admitting to it is the only way to start moving beyond it. Ignoring it leaves it as a weakness forever.” Akihito could see him moving around out of the corner of his eye but didn’t move until a hand carrying a glass of something appeared in his vision. “Drink this.”

He took the offered glass, the contents a very small amount of amber liquid. There was a few mouthfuls at most. He brought the glass up to his face and caught a whiff of strong alcohol. 

“You know I’m under age, right?”

“I am aware how old you are. Drink it, it will get rid of the taste in your mouth.”

With a small shrug, Akihito knocked it back in one big gulp and choked as the alcohol burned its way down his throat. Asami chuckled at his reaction as he gasped for breath. It did get rid of most of the foul taste though and the burn was quickly fading. He passed back the glass and settled back against the leather seat. He found himself sliding down to the side and his cheek pressed against Asami’s thigh. A large hand carded through his hair, gently ruffling the strands.

“There’s a lot of traffic at this time of day, you should sleep. You’ll feel better when you wake up.”

Akihito wanted to protest the gentle treatment but the sheer presence of the man was soothing. It made him feel safe, as though nothing could get through his soulmate to get to him. As though all the hurt would be stopped by Asami’s presence and he would be able to sleep dreamlessly, un-plagued by all his night terrors. He tried to tell his mind that it was a lie, but he couldn’t shake the peaceful feeling and soon drifted off to sleep.

***

Asami was now waiting for a meltdown of sorts from Akihito. After the incident at the shops yesterday, the teen had been very withdrawn and quiet. Whatever had happened seemed to upset Akihito just by mentioning it and he had even been very close lipped during his first session with the psychologist today. During his stay at the hospital and even the first day home, Akihito had shown his habit of bottling everything until it came spilling over and he just blurted out whatever was on his mind. He didn’t seem to have a very large capacity for his current bottling of emotions, going off the fact that he seemed to blurt things out every other day.

His soulmate was currently still in his pyjamas, a light blue plaid set that he had seemed particularly taken with yesterday, sitting on the couch with his legs tucked up against his chest and chin resting on his knees. The TV was playing quietly in the background but Akihito’s gaze was far away, eyes staring into space but seeing nothing. He had also refused all food this morning, which, after yesterday’s enthusiastic consumption of sushi, Asami knew to be something that wasn’t normal.

He sat down on the couch beside Akihito and pulled the young man onto his lap. He squirmed and protested the manhandling but Asami wasn’t having a bar of it. He could wait for Akihito to grow and heal before taking him as a lover but to be able to hold back, he needed to at least be able to touch him. Be able to have him physically close. He couldn’t sit back and watch his soulmate hurting and not reach out for him.

Akihito finally gave up and sat perched on Asami’s knees, his smaller thighs bracketing Asami’s larger ones. Sitting on his lap like this forced Akihito close but it also gave him no place to hide or shy away from him. The psychologist had warned him to be patient, to take it slowly with his wounded little soulmate. And Asami would, but he didn’t have endless patience. He was going to nip this thing in the bud. He could deal with panic attacks and tears and even tantrums. What he could not deal with was how Akihito was pushing him away. 

Oh no, he would not stand for that. That was stopping today.

“I have been told that you would not speak with Tamura-sensei.”

Akihito flinched and looked away with a small pout. “So what, she’s going to tell you everything? What’s the point then?”

“She’s not going to tell me anything that is said in those sessions.” Akihito looked up in surprise. “There is such a thing as patient confidentiality and it extends to everyone. Your discussions are private even from me. However, there are some things that are not confidential that she can and will tell me. Like you not cooperating. You need to talk to someone Akihito.”

“Why?”

“Why? Because you can’t keep bottling everything up and then exploding once it gets too much.”

“I don’t!” Akihito was glaring up at him now, looking indignant.

“Really.” Asami raised an eyebrow in response and gave his soulmate a disbelieving look. 

“I don’t have to sit here and listen to this.” The blonde made to move off Asami’s lap but he shot his hands out to grab him by the waist.

“Oh no you don’t. You are not running away this time Akihito.”

“Let go of me! I’m not some kid to sit on your lap like this!”

“I didn’t say you were. You are my soulmate, I can’t sit there and watch you hurting and not do anything. I want you close to me, is that really so bad? I don’t want to force you into anything, but I can’t stand by and have you ignore me while you wallow in your pain. Why are you so resistant to me?”

Akihito stopped struggling and sat still. He stared up at Asami with a conflicted expression. Those big blue eyes filled with pain and confusion pulled at something inside him. 

“Why don’t you want to trust me?”

“Because you can’t promise me forever.” Akihito blurted out before his eyes flew wide and he looked away. It was a few moments before he explained quietly, “Everyone dies, you’re just going to leave me alone again. Why do you care anyway? If you get rid of the whole soulmate crap, then you’re just a stranger. Why do you care about me when all those people who did know me didn’t care? And then what happens? I’m happy for a while then what? I get left your money next time. Big whoop. All it means is I’m not hungry when I’m back by myself again. And don’t even try to say you’ll be fine. Because that’s a big fat lie and I don’t want to hear it.”

Akihito seemed to be holding back tears at this point and Asami finally understood. 

“Soulmate crap? Do you truly think so little of our bond?”

“I don’t know you. Who decides how it all works anyway?”

“Did you never once look at our tattoo and wonder who this other person was?” Akihito looked back up at Asami at that. He gave a slight shake of his head. “This doesn’t just represent you or me. This represents both of us together. A stunning picture of a metallic dragon roaring in defiance. Dragons are known in legend to be fiercely loyal and protective but also strong and long living. This is us, together. You might feel small now, the pain might be too much but it will not break you. Not truly.” He lifted Akihito’s chin and caressed his thumb across his cheek. “And like the fierce dragon, I will not let you go nor will I fall so easily. I asked for your life, do not think I was joking or taking that lightly. I want your lifetime and in return I will give you mine.”

“You don’t even know me.” Akihito whispered, tears gathering on his lashes to sparkle like soft jewels in the light. Asami reached out and undid the top buttons on his pyjama top, revealing the dragon’s face roaring in defiance across his pale skin.

“I think I know you better than anyone.”

The tears finally fell and Asami gathered Akihito close, pulling him forward so that his head rested against his chest and his arms wrapped around his slender frame. There were tears but there was less than previously, as though Akihito didn’t have many left.

“I will not leave you alone, Akihito. I cannot promise you forever, but I will promise you my forever.”

The tears quickly subsided but this time Akihito made no move to pull away. “I still don’t understand. Why do you want some broken kid like me? And don’t start with the soulmate thing again, because that’s not an answer.”

Asami took a moment to choose his words. “Is a bird with a broken wing any less of a bird just because it cannot fly right at that moment?” He felt rather than saw Akihito’s head shake. “Because right now, that’s you. You’re a little bird with a broken wing, one who doesn’t even have all its flight feathers yet. You might look a little funny with your mix of fluffy baby feathers and wing at a strange angle but that doesn’t mean you’ll be like that forever. I have the proof written on my skin as to the person you’ll grow to be. I said I know you better than anyone, maybe right now I don’t know you at all. But I know what you are capable of.” He took one of Akihito’s hands and threaded their fingers together. “The world better watch out for my little dragon.”

Akihito snorted before replying quietly, “That’s so cheesy.”

Asami chuckled and squeezed his hand, “That doesn’t make it any less true.”

They stayed like that for a while before Akihito squirmed around and pulled his phone out of his pyjama pocket. He held it up and snapped off a photo of their linked fingers. He stared at the photo for a minute before finally explaining. 

“Tamura-sensei said that if I wasn’t going to talk then I have to take pictures of things that represented how I am feeling at different times of the day, especially if I start feeling overwhelmed. She said just by looking for something to represent my mood, that would move my focus and help me deal with it without actually using words. She also said I had to send them to someone but Arita’s phone can’t open picture messages so I have to send them to you.” He moved back to wave his phone in Asami’s face. “But you’re right here so I don’t have to send this one to you, right?”

“Doesn’t matter if I’ve already seen it, you still have to send it to me, that’s the rule.”

Akihito huffed but sent off the photo and Asami felt his phone vibrate in his pocket to indicate the incoming message. “You’re going to get a lot of messages then.”

“I don’t mind. But I’ll make sure that Arita-kun gets a phone upgrade in the next few days, I don’t want you to feel as though you always have to send them to me only.”

“Really?” Asami hummed in affirmative and rearranged Akihito so that they fit together better. He smiled into blonde hair when his soulmate snuggled closer on his own. 

They stayed like that for most of the afternoon.

Later, when Asami checked his phone, he found the picture message from earlier. He opened it up and looked at the image of their linked fingers. It was like a small glimpse into Akihito’s head. He smiled and set it as his phone background. The picture was proof that the first shard of his little soulmates heart had been picked up and slotted back into place.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse any mistakes, I wrote the entire thing on an iPad mini as I'm staying with my sister for a few days. Although due to my drama with autocorrect and having to keep an eye on it, it may actually be one of the more correct chapters I've posted haha.  
> Part way through writing I had my niece come tearing up to me "Aunty Kitty, Aunty Kittty, there's a koala outside!" Low and behold there is indeed a koala just chilling in the trees in their back yard. One of the more interesting interruptions I've had. (They've just moved and are very excited by the difference in wildlife while living next to a reserve. To be fair, they also used to live next to a different reserve and had kangaroos in their drive way from time to time sooo...) Australia's crazy man.

Akihito groaned as Arita thrashed him once again at the game they were playing. They had spent the morning tearing around the electronics store and had picked up a gaming console and accessories, courtesy of Asami’s credit card. They had then left the boxes in the car and trawled through the mall, Arita virtually dragging Akihito to his favourite bookstore and now his bookshelf actually had books on it. Along with a few extra cool little figurines. Arita had been very enthusiastic about personalising Akihito's room and helping him pick out things just for him. A few posters, some books, even some funky jewellery. Arita’s fashion sense veered towards the geeky side of things but Akihito found himself swept up in his sheer enthusiasm. He had to admit that he was a little more relaxed shopping with someone like Arita rather than Asami.

“Geez Aki, I thought you said you were good at games.”

Akihito groaned again, this time at the cheeky grin of his friend. “I'm just out of practise!”

“Uh-huh, excuses, excuses.” He put down his controller and stretched. “Are we ordering out for dinner again?”

“I guess so. I can't cook anything fancy and there is pretty much nothing but snacks in the cupboard so I'm pretty sure Asami doesn't cook. At least he never did even when he had the time off work.”

“Must get expensive eating out all the time. Guess that's not really a problem for Asami-san though… Hey, why don't we cook tonight? I can teach you. I cook for my parents every Thursday when they work late. You said before you wanted a way to thank Asami-san, I don't imagine he gets a home cooked meal very often.”

Akihito flushed slightly, remembering their earlier conversation. In a fit of sappy-ness, he had confessed that he wanted to thank Asami but didn't know how. It's not like the man lacked anything that he was aware of. He had been surprisingly thoughtful, getting Akihito's room customised but leaving a lot for him to choose for himself, getting a tutor so he could catch up for the new school term and as much as he didn't really like it, organising the psychologist sessions. 

He grabbed his phone and snapped a photo of the ‘game over’ screen and sent it off to Asami, he could already picture the smirk. 

“I don't know if we can make something good enough to say thanks with…”

“It's all about the thought and the effort, the rest of just a bonus. Come on, we can hitch a ride to the supermarket with that guy. Asami-san said he would be around all day.”

“I don't get what's with him.” He got up and dragged himself over to the entranceway to slip on his shoes. Arita had already nabbed his wallet and leaned over to stuff it inside Akihito's pocket. “I mean, who just hires a chauffeur like that. We weren't even necessarily going out. And he felt more like a babysitter than a driver. He even followed us through the damn mall.”

Arita shrugged. “It's not like either of us can drive. Asami-san probably wants to make sure that you aren't cooped up inside all day.” He paused for a moment before continuing thoughtfully. “Do you think it matters if you send the photos later?”

“Eh?”

“For your photo thing. Like, you will probably want to snap a couple off during cooking, but if you send those to Asami-san, that would ruin the surprise. So is it okay in that case to send them later?”

“I don't know if there's any strict rules other than the whole, send them to someone thing. I can just send them to you.”

“But I'm here, you should send them to your _soulmate_ later tonight, after dinner.”

Akihito's cheeks went pink at the soulmate comment. The way Arita said it made Asami sound like his lover. He shoved that thought away and focused back on the present.

“Maybe. We’ll see.”

Akihito hurried past Arita, stalking out of the penthouse and towards the elevator, trying to avoid the knowing grin. 

“Aw, Aki-chan’s all embarrassed.” 

“Don't even start with that!”

***

Asami came home to a magical sound. Laughter filled the penthouse. Arita had come to stay for a few days during the school break and had been helping bring Akihito out of his shell. The teen had been very withdrawn still, the few weeks since Asami had been back to work had been spent on his laptop or watching movies in between sessions with the tutor that was helping getting him up to speed with the school curriculum. The last thing Asami wanted was to send his soulmate back to school unprepared to be completely overwhelmed by the work, especially when they were anticipating enough trouble with the social side. Only the principle and the nurse would know of Akihito’s history, the rest of the teachers would just assume he was a normal transfer student and treat him no differently to other students. That was the plan at least.

The businessman walked further into the penthouse, dropping his briefcase and gloves on the table. Another peal of laughter sounded for the kitchen, followed by stifled giggles and some indignant grumbles. Asami couldn't help the smile that twisted his lips at the sound. It was nice, suddenly the penthouse had a more homely feel than ever before. He walked through the lounge room, noting the new gaming system hooked up to the TV and controls strewn about, and stopped in the kitchen doorway.

Arita was apparently teaching Akihito how to cook. The blonde seemed to have the basics down, Asami could see that he was chopping things evenly without difficulty, but he also had flour in his hair. He leaned on the doorway, watching in amusement as they laughed and bumbled their way through the steps on the recipe displayed on Akihito's laptop. Neither noticed him until he couldn’t hold back his chuckle at his clumsy soulmate attempting to catch a wayward carrot. 

Akihito actually jumped at the sound and whirled around, flushing to the roots of his hair.

“Asami-san.” Arita said by way of greeting.

“Arita-kun, Akihito. Seems like you are having fun.”

Akihito rubbed his hand across the back of his head, he seemed oddly embarrassed. “W-welcome home. We were just cooking dinner. Thought it might be nice to have something home cooked for once instead of eating out.” He seemed as though there was something else he wanted to say but trailed off. Arita elbowed him in the ribs, eliciting a squeak. Akihito glared before taking a deep breath and then mumbled to the floor, “Also to say thank you for everything you've done.”

Asami stepped forward and nudged Akihito's chin up, uncertain eyes met his. “I look forward to it.” Even the teens ears were red at this point and the businessman had to hold back another chuckle. “I'll leave you to it then.” He gave one last lingering look at his soulmate, then nodded to Arita before leaving. He paused just out of sight from the doorway and heard Akihito's suddenly dispel of air as though he had been holding his breath. 

“Man, I wish I had someone look at me like Asami-san looks at you.”

Akihito groaned and Asami smiled as he made his way into the lounge. 

The meal might not have been the most professionally made however it was a happy affair and the food tasted of home.

***

Akihito had spent the entire day trying to distract himself. His uniform was ironed and hanging up, bag already packed and ready to go. He had spent most of the afternoon attempting to cook an elaborate dinner along with his bento for tomorrow. He had gone so overboard in his efforts that he had also made Asami a bento and they had enough food ready for dinner for at least four people. He had received a message earlier that his soulmate would be home early today after he had sent a photo of the kitchen mid cooking.

Arita had suggested that he should cook and clean regularly in thanks to Asami for his care and Akihito had somewhat taken him up on the suggestion. He hadn't said anything to Asami and hadn't cooked every night but he had started to do some of the chores. The man hadn't commented on it but he gotten a few messages asking if he wanted Asami to pick up groceries or dinner on his way home. He moaned to Arita about acting like some housewife but he hadn't thought of anything better so it seemed like he was stuck with it, for now at least. If he was being honest, he kind of liked cooking. Previously he had only cooked out of necessity when his mother closed off but it was nice to eat something he made. It made him feel like he had actually accomplished something and not just sat around all day leeching off his soulmate.

Still, this was a little over the top and Asami was no doubt going to see straight through him. He took a picture of his perfectly fried, if he did say so himself, gyoza and sent that one off to Arita. They looked pretty damn good. He got a message back almost immediately.

_Looks good!_

Then another message: _You'll be fine._

Looks like even Arita could see right through him with just a picture. Was he really that transparent? Why he so nervous anyway? It wasn't that much of a big deal.

Just a new school.

It's not like the teachers would know who he was. None of the other students would either. He was just another transfer student. Arita seemed to think he was a good friend. So he could totally make new friends. 

Right?

He had a crisp new uniform now too. No one could accuse him of being a delinquent because of his uniform. He would just be the quiet student hanging out at the back of the class.

That didn't stop the anxiety eating away at him though. 

Unbidden images of scornful expressions filled his vision and he stood frozen in place, unseeing. He could even hear the voices, just as derisive as their expressions.

_“Ugh, such a loser, always begging for a free ride.”_

_“I used to pity him but-“_

He was suddenly pulled from his memories by a warm hand pulling the knife from his shaking fingers then hooking under his chin to lift his face up and around to face Asami. Akihito blinked trying to clear his blurry vision but the solemn golden eyes remained out of focus. It wasn't until a gentle thumb swiped across his cheeks that he realised he was crying.

Ugh, he was such a baby. What was with this stupid cry-at-anything thing that he had going on now? It was embarrassing in the worst possible way. No wonder Asami was always careful with him, crying as he was at the drop of a hat. 

“You'll be okay, Akihito.”

He tried to take a deep breath but it caught in a sob in the back of his throat. Asami pulled him against his chest with one strong arm and used the other hand to turn off the stove. Honestly, this was the worst. Akihito pushed ineffectually at Asami's chest to get him to let go but he just tightened his grip. He wouldn't let go until Akihito had stopped shaking. 

“You can let go now.” Asami squeezed slightly before letting his grip loosen but he still didn't move away. Akihito leaned against him for a moment longer before moving back and scrubbing at his face. “Ugh, that was just embarrassing. Welcome home, by the way.”

“Why was it embarrassing?”

“I'm just randomly crying in the middle of the kitchen over nothing.”

“It's not over nothing. I believe Tamura-sensei has already mentioned that this is normal.”

“It's stupid.”

“It's not. You know you can call me if you need to.”

“You've only told me like a hundred times. It's fine. I'm fine. I'm not a kid.”

“You are the only person to even suggest that. Tomorrow is a big day for you, it's fine to be nervous about it. Although stress-cooking isn't so bad. Perhaps I should have invited Kirishima around for dinner.”

“I did go a little overboard.” Akihito flushed a little as he went back to cooking, putting the pots back on heat. Thankfully Asami had prevented any dire burning. “I uh… Made you a bento for tomorrow.”

Turning to the side, he caught Asami's pleased grin and felt his cheeks heat up even more. He didn't have to look so happy about it. It wasn't like it was anything special.

“Thank you, Akihito.”

The teen tried to cover his embarrassment by vigorously stirring the pot but the deep chuckle suggested Asami knew anyway. He wasn't even sure why the soft thank you sent such a jolt of warmth through him, it was just a thank you.

It made him feel a little bit better though.

***

Showing up at the school gates in a fancy import car wasn't the impression Akihito really wanted to leave but it was better than the damn limo. Asami had been keen to drop him off for his first day but he had argued that it would make him more nervous and distracted. He worked late as well so Akihito felt guilty about getting the man up early. He had gotten up and had breakfast with him anyway, clad in his bathrobe and smoking his cigarette. It did work to soothe Akihito's frayed nerves a little, the peek at the muscled chest through the robe serving as a pleasant distraction. He cursed his teenaged hormones, the close proximity of his soulmate was starting to cause reactions that he would prefer it didn't. The sudden invasion of his space to brush their lips together did little to help with that as well. It had effectively held the anxiousness at bay while his brain shut down however, no doubt due to the extreme heat in his cheeks. Of course Asami found his pole-axed state amusing.

His phone buzzed and he unlocked it to find a picture of Arita in his uniform grinning into the camera with a big thumbs up. The nerves still fluttered in his stomach but it pulled a small smile onto his face. As much as he hated being fussed over, both Arita and Asami hadn't been overbearing with it. Obvious, but not overbearing. It was kind of nice. 

Akihito quickly snapped a selfie of himself, his smile not doing anything to hide his nerves and sent it back to his friend. After a second of consideration, he sent it off to Asami as well. He was just about to get out of the car when he got a reply from his soulmate.

_Good luck._

Taking a deep fortifying breath, Akihito braced himself and finally stepped out. His heart was hammering in his chest as he took a look around. A few curious eyes looked his way but most just ignored him. He saw a few other students exit cars of a similar nature to his own and felt his nerves ease somewhat. Asami had said it was a prestigious school. 

He had also said that only the nurse and the principle knew about his past. So if he got too overwhelmed and needed an out, then he could go to the nurse and she would be able to help. She had already had a discussion with the psychologist about their coping strategies apparently. 

Akihito moved away from the car and started heading towards the entrance. He had had a brief tour with Asami and the principle and roughly knew the way to the office where he would be picked up from by his new home room teacher. He walked determinedly forward, eyes downcast to avoid looking at the mass of people surrounding him. The sheer number of people was causing his heart rate to spike but thankfully no one was paying him any attention. 

He managed to make it to make it to the office without hyperventilating. Akihito counted that as a win and anxiously waited to meet his new home room teacher. He had visions of his old teacher, thin lips curved down in distaste and eyes judging his very being.

_“If you have enough money to dye your hair then you can damn well afford to buy a textbook.”_

“Takaba-kun?”

Akihito almost jumped out of his skin. He was greeted by friendly eyes and a kind smile. Dark hair was pulled back into a bun and glasses framed the woman's eyes. Some of the mounting anxiety slipped away at the sheer difference in appearance. 

Maybe it would be okay.

***

It was okay.

He nearly had a heart attack when they walked into the classroom and the eyes staring at him while he introduced himself set his hands shaking. He hid them behind his back, clasping them together and that seemed to help hold the shaking back. He was sat in the middle of the room and a bubbly girl called Momohara was designated to be his guide as they shared most of the same classes. 

The tension eased off when he took his seat and the attention shifted back to the teacher. A number of people introduced themselves throughout the day, sometimes willingly and sometimes dragged unwilling by a overly enthusiastic Momohara who was apparently the school idol. Her laughter was bright and infectious and she seemed to take an immediate shine to Akihito, who was now ‘Aki-chan’ despite his vigorous efforts otherwise. 

The whole day was such a whirlwind of events that he forgot to take any photos at all. It wasn't until he was home and pulling out his homework that he even realised. He snapped off a somewhat artistic photo of his study material and sent it off to both Arita and Asami. Shame they gave so much work on the first day of term.

***

The days all blurred together. Akihito found his own friend group and settled into routine. His phone was filled with new contacts and he easily just slipped into the crowd of students.

Until Asami decided to drop him off in the damn limo on the way to a morning meeting. He had desperately tried to convince him not to but the man was having none of it. Of course he had to be sitting right next to him so that he could be way too embarrassing. He was sure the man knew exactly the effect he had on him and was doing it on purpose. Asami seemed to get way too much enjoyment from making him blush. Akihito managed to worm away from his soul mates iron grip and slid across the seat to the door as they pulled up to the school front gates. He just about thought he was free until a hand yanked him back so that he sprawled across the seats with his head in Asami's lap. He flailed indignantly but froze at the soft kiss that was pressed to his lips. Their kisses were fairly few and far between, chaste things that still somehow left Akihito incoherent and embarrassed.

“Be good, Akihito.”

He sat up and escaped to the other side of the limo, trying to calm his racing heart and flushed cheeks.

“Yeah, yeah. I'm not some delinquent or anything.” He winced at his blurted sentence. That was still something of a sore spot. Asami frowned but Akihito cut short any comments by opening the door and launching himself out, nearly stumbling in his haste. “Have fun at work and all that.” He gave a little wave and slammed the door shut before he could reply.

Akihito stepped back from the vehicle and let out a sigh. 

“Aki-chaaaaaaaan!”

He didn't even have time to gather his thoughts before a small ball of exuberance hit his back with far too much force for the size. 

“Morning Ai-chan.”

The grip around his waist loosened and he turned to face his friends. One of the other girls had pried Ai from him and now they were draped over each other. He waved and got a chorus of greetings. Kou threw his arm around his shoulder and Akihito was just anticipating a plea to help his friend finish his homework before class when Ai interrupted.

“Aki-chan, how come you got a ride in a limo today?! Don't you normally get a lift in a car?”

All attention shifted to him and he squirmed uncomfortably. “Ah, my soulmate wanted to drop me off today and he always gets driven around in a limo.”

“That's so cool!”

“I find it a bit embarrassing to be honest.”

“I'm so jealous that you've met your soulmate though! I've searched everywhere online but nothing matches my mark!” She gave a pout as they moved through the gates. “Did you stay with him overnight?”

“I live with him.” No one else spoke and while it seemed like they weren't paying attention, he knew everyone was listening in. He hadn't said too much about himself so far and while none of his friends had pried, they seemed eager to get to know him. He was cautious but still… It was nice. Arita had been encouraging him to tell them about the photos thing so he could get some selfies with his new friends. 

Ai gave a dreamy sigh. “I'm so jealous! I hope we get to meet him sometime. One day you'll have to show us your mark too.”

A few people agreed then the topic of conversation moved onto other things and it wasn't until later that Akihito realised not a single person reacted to the comment that his soulmate was a man and clearly older. It wasn't indifference either, just silent acceptance and encouragement. They wanted to meet Asami, see where he lived, they wanted to do things with him outside of school. 

He sent off an emotional message to Arita and could almost hear the scoff in the reply.

_Of course they do, you big dummy, they're your friends._

Thankfully no one commented when he got a little teary at lunch but he got a few reassuring pats on the back. 

Friends.

Friends were nice.

***

He was doing really well until one hot summer day. He, like many others, had shed his blazer and rolled his sleeves up to help cool down. They were just finishing up near the end of class and he snuck his phone out to snap a picture of his A+ grade to send to Asami. He was just sending it away when the teacher called him out.

“Takaba-kun, what have we talked about with phones in class?”

Akihito flinched as all the attention shifted in his direction. “I was just taking a picture of my grading sensei, sorry.”

“You and that camera. Honestly, I always catch you taking photos.”

“I kind of have to so…”

He suddenly realised what he said and tried to sink down further into his chair. He still hadn't told anyone about the photos yet.

“Have to?” The teacher raised an amused eyebrow. Of course she wouldn’t let that comment slide. She was a great teacher, funny, kind and understanding but strict.

“It's a medical thing…” He scratched the back of his head in embarrassment as he tried to think about how to word it without sounding like he might have a screw loose.

“Oh my god, did you try to kill yourself?”

Akihito froze and stared wide eyed at the owner of the obnoxious voice. She had a cruel sneer on her face and her eyes were riveted on the hand at his head. He had used his left arm but his sleeves were rolled up, leaving the nasty scar visible. He had been so distracted he hadn't even noticed it when he had rolled up his sleeves. 

“Oh! Are you the psycho from Yokohama who tried to off themselves at school? It was all over the news. Half the teachers sacked and the entire school under observation.”

“That's enough.” The teacher scolded but Akihito was no longer listening. 

His heart was racing and it felt like he couldn't breathe. He could feel the judging stares, the cruel sneers that were burned into his memory. It was going to happen all over again. His friends would leave him and he would be all alone. Who wants an unstable friend?

“I heard his parents died.”

The comment struck through his thoughts like lightening. He was vaguely aware of an uproar around him but his mind was on his mother.

The glassy eyes, the tears, the anger.

_“Why couldn't it be you?”_

He choked on nothing but his memories and wondered if maybe this time he could finally escape the pain.

He remembered the slap across his face, nails scoring his flesh. Remembered the cold, dark nights and the pain of loneliness. 

He remembered the shattered phone screen that signified the beginning.

Thoughts and memories swirled and he clawed at his arms, desperate to ground himself. Desperate to feel the relief that only pain could provide.

Akihito didn't know how long he was out for but when he came to, he was sitting on the floor with the teacher in front him gently guiding him to breathe and his friends sitting a little to the side watching in clear concern.

He straightened slightly and looked around in bewilderment before he was suddenly engulfed in limbs. The teacher scolded his friends for not giving him enough breathing room, but it was ignored in favour of hugs and pats on the back. Ai was practically sitting in his lap, arms around his neck, Kou was sitting on the other side, hand patting his back. He spotted nearly half the class watching on in concern. 

“Do the pictures have something to do with this?” The teacher spoke gently, concern written across her features.

Akihito nodded. “She was right, I'm the student from Yokohama. My psychologist said if I don't want to talk sometimes then I can take photos to help express myself but I have to send them to someone. I usually send things to my soulmate otherwise my friend in Yokohama.”

“You should send them to me too!” Akihito stared at Ai. She was beaming up at him. “Can I send things back to you as well? That sounds super fun! Even better if it helps you!”

Kou chimed in with his agreement immediately, followed by Takato and suddenly everyone was offering.

Akihito sat in stunned silence before bursting into tears. He ended up in an even bigger group hug until he was finally coherent enough to explain that he was just so happy.

They gently called him silly because that's what friends were for, right?

*

Asami received a picture that afternoon of a blotchy faced Akihito grinning brightly into the camera while surrounded by people.

He said he had a lot more people to send photos to now.

Asami smiled, that marked another piece of Akihito's heart slotting back into place.


	5. Chapter 5

Akihito sat staring at his laptop screen. He had been avoiding news channels on TV and news articles online since he moved in. As much as it was nice to see heart-warming stories of survival and hope, the majority of the news was grim. Soulmates and suicides had been the top headlines for generations and the topic hit far too close to home.

But after what that girl had said…

_“Oh! Are you the psycho from Yokohama who tried to off themselves at school? It was all over the news. Half the teachers sacked and the entire school under observation.”_

The very memory of what she said made him tense just thinking about it but there was something that he had not been able to comprehend initially.

_School Fails Troubled Teen_

That was one of the tamer headlines floating around the internet. His story had spread like wildfire throughout Japan. It had brought the argument on suicide support back to the fore with many outcries about the lack of ongoing support for those effected by such devastating loss. 

None of the articles mentioned his name but they had the entire story, including what appeared to be anonymous comments from both Arita and Asami. The entire school was under mass scrutiny. Half the teachers sacked with rumours of some teaching licenses being revoked. Even the principle had quit due to overwhelming public pressure. The nurse had been particularly under fire and had also been forced from the school. It was rumoured that she would have to go through re-training to be able to continue with her chosen career. 

Akihito was stunned.

Reading through comments on the online articles showed overwhelming anger towards the school and mass support for himself. People were expressing their wishes and hopes for his future with his soulmate. Happiness over him being given help and support. Suggestions on ways to improve school and government help. People had even shared similar stories of sadness and loss.

It was completely overwhelming.

For a long time all he could do was just sit there and cry.

When the tears finally dried up he sent the article onto Asami, asking if the comments quoted were from him. 

_“With the way the government is ‘helping’ those effected by the death of their soulmate right now, all they are doing is prolonging the inevitable. The support drops off and people clap themselves on the back for a job well done. Yet when the support network vanishes, those people that were supposedly saved end up in a spiral of destruction and nearly all of them commit the act of suicide that they were supposedly saved from. The government bandies around good looking figures of people saved but if you look further out than the recorded six months, the story changes. Within two years nearly all those ‘saved’ people are dead._

_Do I think my soulmate would have been better off if his mother had been allowed to commit suicide immediately? Absolutely. He lost her in the end anyway but it was drawn out over months of pain and hardship. Had he lost both parents at once, it would still have been a massive blow but he would have been re-homed. He would have had far more on-going support and there’s a very good chance he wouldn’t have had the same levels of emotional scarring as he does now. Perhaps it seems harsh but those who lose their soulmates need access to a solid support base for the rest of their lives or you may as well not even try.”_

It was not something he had thought about, if anything, Akihito had been actively avoiding the topic of soulmates as much as he could while living with his own. 

Akihito thought back over the months he had spent at home after his father had died.

The dead look in his mother’s eyes and worse; the fake mask of wellbeing that would abruptly shatter.

The cold loneliness of an empty house and empty stomach.

The sneers at school over his dirty and ill kept appearance that only alienated him further.

All of that had only happened after his mother’s government help had run out. Before then they had been doing mostly okay, struggling, but there was still light at the end of the tunnel. Everything seemed to be slowly coming right. Until everything fell apart from under their feet.

Akihito was drawn from his thoughts as Asami messaged back to confirm that those comment were indeed from him.

Asami was right, he realised. The supported needed to be there as long as it was required, not a paltry six months. Maybe not the rest of someone’s life but still years. Many, many years. But no doubt the reason why that wasn't the case right now was cost. Such an undertaking would be ridiculously expensive for the government. But was it not more expensive to lose so many of the work force? This effected those who were educated and the educators. It effected people from the lowest rung on the social ladder right up to the biggest celebrities and politicians. 

It was no wonder why the suicide rates were considered an epidemic.

***

Asami was going to be the death of him. He was a grown man yet it seemed like his favourite thing was to cuddle with Akihito. Which wouldn't be nearly so bad if Akihito wasn't so painfully aware of his presence. He would pull the teen right up against his body and trap him there. It was comfortable and Akihito did find himself settling down enough to doze off more than once but initially, all he was aware of was the bulky muscles he was pressed up against.

He had confessed his drama to Arita over text and it was met with laughter. It was a ‘first world problem’ apparently and his friend thought it was downright hilarious. His suggestion had been to try and talk to his soulmate about their relationship but Akihito had shot it down. He wasn't quite ready to put his own thoughts and feelings into words just yet. Although his body seemed to have a mind of its own, judging by the many inappropriate reactions his soulmates presence. 

It didn't help when Asami insisted on dropping him off to school fairly regularly and would use the time in the car to sneak a quick kiss before he could escape. He wasn't sure why he couldn't get used to it, there was just something about the almost innocent gesture always left him reeling. 

There was also a problem in that his school friends were starting to get suspicious about why he always exited the limo with a giant blush. Interestingly enough, it was Kou who inadvertently stumbled upon the reason.

“What's so embarrassing anyway? Does he give you a kiss goodbye?”

Akihito's silence and increased blush gave him away.

Of course everyone found it ‘cute’. Curse the man, the last thing he needed was the girls all cooing over him.

Someone stole his phone and snapped off a photo of his bright red face and sent it off to Asami. Akihito nearly died when his soulmate messaged back: _Cute._

Ai spent the rest of the dreamily sighing and confessing her jealousy over the entire situation. 

Later, when he had a bad day and came home only to be swept up into a hug, he decided that maybe it wasn't so bad.

***

_Can we have the group study session at the penthouse today?_

So far they had been to everyone else's house for their group study. There has been more than one hint from his friends that they would love to see where he lived. There hadn't been any pressure about it but Akihito figured it was only fair. Most likely Asami wouldn't be home until late so it would be more fun than hanging around on his own. 

_That's fine, it's your home as well. You can order pizza if you like._

Akihito had access to Asami's credit card still, he wasn't sure if the man watched the funds but other than for groceries he hadn't touched it since setting up his room. Asami didn't seem like he'd care but the thought of just wasting his money didn't sit right with Akihito. He knew how much time he spent at work, Asami’s money was hard earned even if he did seem to have endless amounts of it. 

_I'll send a ride to pick you up._

Well, Ai would be excited about the limo.

And she was. Very, very excited. All of his friends were excited over the five star treatment. Someone had even loaded the limo up with snacks and drinks. Spirits were high over the novelty of the ride and promise of pizza, so when they were ushered into a large penthouse, there was just murmurs of appreciation and enthusiasm. 

They pulled the beanbag from his room and set up camp in the lounge. It was fun. They actually managed to work through most of the homework before devolving into general conversation. A movie was decided on and they set to organising pizza.

_How much pizza can we get?_

Asami replied right away and Akihito really had to wonder how he was always able to respond so fast. He didn't always respond to the photos but anytime Akihito asked a question, Asami would reply right away or call.

_As much as you like._

_Is there even a limit on this card?_

_No._

Wait, really?

_Does that mean I could just buy the pizza place if I really wanted?_

_Yes._

Well then. That explains that.

“Aki, how much can we order? We can't decide what to get.”

“Just get both. Asami said we can get as much as we like.”

They ordered far too much. It was nice though, sitting at home, stuffing himself silly on junk food and watching a movie with his friends. 

It really was home. Somehow this place felt more like home than he would ever have imagined. Asami was the one responsible for this feeling. Suddenly cooking and cleaning seemed like a pale gift in comparison to the one he had been given.

Ai came up and squeezed in between Akihito and Takato on the couch, the other teen had to shuffle over to try and make room.

“Are you okay Aki?” She only ever dropped the chan when she was being serious.

He nodded and tried to get a grip. He found he cried less now but it still got overwhelmed from time to time. It annoyed him just as much as ever. These tears hadn't yet escaped but they still blurred his vision.

“I'm just glad you guys are my friends and that I have a home now.”

She gave his hand a squeeze and a few smiles were flashed his way. He was thankful when no one said anything though, they had figured out early on that he would prefer not to be drowned in verbal support. Just them being there was enough.

He heard the sound of the penthouse door slamming shut and checked the time. It was just after 7pm, early for Asami. It was a Friday and everyone had permission to stay a little later seeing as Asami had offered to drop everyone home when they were ready.

“Hang on, I'll be back. Don't worry about pausing the movie.” He got his feet and stepped over the bodies sprawled across the floor. He poked his head out the door and sure enough, his soulmate was just removing his gloves. “Welcome home.”

Asami looked up at his greeting and beckoned Akihito closer. His lips curved into a small smile as he pulled the teen in for a chaste kiss. “I'm home.”

His deep voice was soft and warm and sent fluttering tingles up his spine.

“How was school?” Asami had deposited his gloves and was working on removing his large overcoat. 

“Oh, uh.” He coughed trying to bring himself back down to earth. “Fine. Good even. Yeah, good.”

Asami raised an eyebrow at the stumbling sentences but didn't comment on it. He did seem to find it amusing however, judging by the sparkle in his eye.

“I hope Akihito is being a good host.” Asami directed the comments behind Akihito and he spun around to find all of his friends hanging in the doorway watching. He flushed at the big grins while they chorused their agreement.

“Thank you for the pizza Asami-san.”

“It was my pleasure.” He turned back to Akihito, “I came home early to give my secretary the night off but I still have some work to do. I'll be in the study if you need me. Let me know when everyone's ready to go and I'll inform the driver bring the car around.”

With a small smirk and a lingering look, Asami walked from the room, disappearing further into the penthouse. Akihito watched his retreating back until he vanished from sight before turning back to his friends. 

“Guys!” He hissed, embarrassed by their knowing grins. 

“You’re soulmates so dreamy, Aki-chan! So jealous!”

That was it, it was all over. He would never hear the end of this.

***

His hands were shaking.

He idly wondered if Asami would notice. Had he also noticed that Akihito had been distracted all evening? 

Akihito was curled up right next to his soulmate. Asami had pulled him up against his side as soon as they sat down together on the couch. Could he feel the trembling? He pushed himself in closer to the businessman and the arm around his waist tightened before he was bodily pulled into Asami’s lap. 

Apparently he had noticed. The man waited until Akihito had stopped fidgeting before he spoke; “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

Akihito took a deep breath trying to calm himself and was immediately engulfed in the scent that could only be described as Asami. Not surprising considering his face was practically buried in his soulmate’s chest. It was a comfortable way to sit but he also wasn’t keen on meeting Asami’s eyes right now. That golden eyed gaze not only saw straight through him but it also made him blurt out things he didn’t intend.

“It’s not a big deal.”

“You’ve been like this all night.” Asami’s tone was deceptively mild, it somehow managed to convey patience while suggesting he knew what was up and it would be easier to just confess. 

“We are going to the beach tomorrow.”

Asami paused as though waiting for Akihito to continue but he wasn’t sure how to so he stayed silent. “That sounds like fun.” Akihito chewed on his bottom lip but didn’t reply. “Akihito…” His soulmates voice was stern and he flinched at the tone. Arms tightened around his waist and he shakily exhaled before slowly putting his arm out and pulling back his sleeve to reveal his wrist.

A raised, jagged line of scarred flesh ran from his wrist down nearly two inches onto his forearm. The marred skin somehow kept the brilliant colours of his soulmate mark but the detail of the tail was blurred. A permanent reminder of the shadows that lingered in his mind.

A large, warm hand enclosed his wrist and Akihito immediately tried to jerk away. Asami’s grip tightened, preventing his escape and he gently ran his thumb over the scar. 

“Are you ashamed of this?” Akihito nodded, not trusting his voice. “Don’t be. It’s just proof that you survived something that most people never have to face. Proof that you aren’t beaten yet. Proof that you are still alive and fighting.” He ran his hand further down Akihito’s arm, pushing his sleeve aside to reveal more of the dragon’s tail coiling around his arm. “What about this?”

Akihito froze in place. While he hadn’t mentioned it, removing his shirt at the beach would also reveal the massive soulmate tattoo across his chest, shoulder and arm. The very thought made him almost as anxious as revealing the scar. Except the size and vibrant colours of the tattoo would attract far more attention than his wrist. He could almost feel the stares already. 

“Are you ashamed of me?” 

Akihito jerked as if he had been slapped. He pulled back and looked Asami in the eye for the first time since getting home. “What?” His voice was hoarse and it broke on the word.

“This represents us. Both you and myself. So are you ashamed of me?”

“No.” Akihito’s voice quivered but his tone was firm.

“Then are you ashamed of yourself?”

He didn’t know how to answer that. 

Perhaps that in itself was answer enough.

Asami searched his face for a moment before shifting Akihito back so that he was sitting on his knees. Large hands reached up to slowly start unbuttoning his shirt. Each button revealed more and more of his impressive chest, before trailing down to impossible abs. But when his soulmate removed his shirt completely, the rippling muscles were not what captured his attention. 

No, that paled in comparison to the glittering dragon that roared its defiance across Asami’s heart. 

It was the first time he had seen it in full on his soulmates body. 

Logically he had known it was there, he had seen the tip of the tail peeking out of Asami’s shirt sleeves regularly and the rest of the tail when he rolled up his sleeves past his elbows. 

But this was different.

Somehow seeing it on Asami’s body, knowing that such a magnificent picture represented _Akihito_ just as much as it represented his remarkable soulmate changed something. He couldn’t put it into words but for the first time in a very long time, he knew beyond a doubt that he wasn’t alone. 

Akihito slowly reached out with a shaking hand to trace his fingers across the dragons face. Warm, firm skin met his touch and he broke down.

At least he didn’t have to worry about ruining Asami’s expensive shirt as he cried himself out in his arms.

***

The beach was packed.

Akihito wrung his hands nervously and edged closer to Kou. There was so many people, so much noise and when combined with the summer heat it was sending his anxiety levels through the roof. Takato stopped close on his other side and gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. 

“Let us know if it gets too much okay? We want you to have fun too.”

He nodded at his friend and felt the hand slip from his shoulder but Takato stayed close by. His body relaxed just slightly. Akihito generally had a very large personal space bubble but instead of feeling intruded upon, this time he felt safe. It was as though his friends were shielding him with their bodies, keeping prying eyes out and giving him a zone of comfort. It was really only an illusion, but it put his mind at ease even knowing that and that was all that mattered.

Akihito chose to stay guarding their things with Ai and a few others initially while the rest of the group went tearing down to the ocean to cool off in the water. They sat and talked while lazing around. Hidden partially under an umbrella, Akihito slowly began to unwind, his body slowly relaxing and he let the noise wash over him. He was almost ready to drop off to sleep when he as woken by the commotion of some people returning from the water. 

The teen stretched and sat up. He really needed to cool down, the heat was making him loose limbed and tired. The water looked inviting but he was still hesitant. Takato caught his pensive stare at the water. 

“A few people are going for ice creams before heading back into the water if you wanted to come?”

Akihito paused for a moment, thinking. He could go get an ice cream and come back, leaving his shirt on and avoiding all the inevitable stares. But he wouldn’t get anywhere by hiding away.

_“Are you ashamed of me?”_

No, he wasn’t ashamed. His mark was nothing to be ashamed of. The rest of his male friends were shirtless, just running around in their swimming shorts. There was no reason why Akihito couldn’t join them. He took a deep fortifying breath and got to his feet. He carefully peeled off his short sleeved shirt before shucking off the singlet that was underneath. Takato stared for a second with wide eyes before grinning.

“I think I understand a little better now.”

Ai appeared from nowhere to grab his hand and pulled him forward excitedly, the rest of their friends stumbling in the sand behind them. 

“Come on, let’s go!” 

There was laughter as they made their way over to the seaside stalls and it wrapped around Akihito. A feeling of happiness and pride exuded from his friends and he couldn’t help but laugh aloud too. His heart soared and his back straightened, chest out and shoulders square. All that he could feel was overwhelming joy from his friends and an underlying pride in his tattoo, in Asami.

It was a liberating feeling. 

They were just approaching the busy stalls when Akihito spotted her from the corner of his eyes.

Aoki Mayu.

The girl that threw his secret out into the open. The girl that sent him back into his memories in the classroom surrounded by people. 

Akihito was about to turn away when he noticed something odd about the way she was standing. He stopped still.

She was standing surrounded by people, a number he recognised from his class, but yet she seemed completely alone. Separated from those around her by an invisible barrier. Her eyes were wide and fixated not on his wrist but the glittering soulmate tattoo that adorned his body. Something flashed across her face as she caught his returned stare and she spun around to stumble away. Akihito murmured something to his friends and dashed after her.

Regardless of her cruel comments to him earlier, he couldn’t let her walk away when she looked like that. Because he recognised that look.

Pain. 

A deep hurt that slipped through the cracks in a roughshod façade to shimmer briefly on the surface before being shoved forcibly back down.

Aoki was trying to run but her steps were unsteady in the sand and Akihito quickly caught up. He carefully grabbed her arm and pulled her away from the beach towards the road, away from inquisitive stares. She followed without resistance.

They made their way away from the crowds and the ocean until they were right at the beach edge. There was still a few people around but they were just passing by and none close enough to overhear. 

Stopping in place, he gently turned Aoki until she was facing him. 

“I wanted to talk to you.” Akihito kept his voice quiet but firm, thinking of all the times Asami did the same with him.

“Why? Are you going to demand an apology? Well I’m not sorry.” The girl didn’t look up, gaze carefully averted but the sneer obvious in her tone. Akihito could see the way she was trying to shrink in on herself as though trying to hide away and found that the words did not affect him.

“No. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. See if you needed to talk maybe.” 

That got a reaction. Her whole body stiffened and she finally looked up at him with wide eyes. He saw the flash of hurt more clearly this time and his heart ached. He knew that look, he had seen it in the mirror staring back out at him not long ago.

“I’m fine.” The wavering tone of voice easily gave away her lie.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to pretend. I understand.” For the briefest of moments he was glad to have the hideous scar on his wrist as he turned his hand over to bare the proof of his own suffering.

“No you don’t.” Aoki face crumpled and she choked out around a sob; “You still have yours.”

Akihito understood immediately. “You lost your soulmate.”

She reeled back as though the words struck her like a physical blow and she collapsed to her knees, her body shaking violently with the force of her sobs. Akihito sat down next to her, carefully sitting as close as possible while not touching. Ignoring the curious stares of passers-by, he sat quietly while she slowly cried herself out. Only when the sobbing had stopped did he speak again.

“Does anyone know?”

“No.” Her voice was hoarse and quiet, almost broken. Akihito’s heart constricted painfully. 

“Don’t you have anyone to talk to?”

“I don’t want anyone to look down on me or pity me. You’ve seen the way people look at those with white soulmate marks, I don’t want people to treat me any differently. But…”

“But?” He prompted gently when it didn’t seem like Aoki was going to continue.

“But at the same time I am different now. I never got to meet them. I don’t know who they were, their name, their age. Were they male or female? What did they like doing? What was our life supposed to be like? What am I supposed to live for now?” She was crying again and this time Akihito offered his hand, purposefully his left, and tentatively she took it. The hold started loose but soon she was squeezing it as though holding on for dear life. As though it was the only thing anchoring her to the here and now and he squeezed back. She was right in that he didn’t understand completely, he still had Asami, but he understood far more than most. That pain, that loneliness, that feeling of having nothing left. Of standing in a crowd yet somehow apart from it. The desire to just end it all.

“You have me now.” She looked up at him, big doe eyes full of tears. “I might not be your soulmate, but I will always be your friend.” He would be the person for her that Arita was for him. Unwavering and understanding. He couldn’t mend her but he could help support her and one day, she’ll be able to start putting herself back together.

“But I-I… I said those things! I outted you in front of everyone. I t-triggered you. W-why? Why would you be my friend?” 

Akihito gently squeezed her hand. “You do it too, right? The cutting. That’s why you were so fixated on my scar.” It was a guess but his gut was telling him the truth. “But I got help and was able to smile and laugh even while I bore the scar while you were still suffering and you didn’t react like normal. You lashed out.”

Aoki was silent for a long time just looking down at the scar on the wrist on the hand she was holding. She took a deep breath before shakily letting it out. “Y-yes. You’re like me but you still have your soulmate. I was jealous and it hurt somehow, seeing you so happy while I was drowning silently and no one noticing. Not even my parents noticed! My mother was just going on the other day about if I had searched for my soulmate yet. It hurt. It hurt so bad. I wanted to give up, just end it but I couldn’t. It hurt too much. I’m a coward.”

“You’re not a coward. You have so much to live for.”

“How? I don’t even know their name. They left me to face the rest of my life alone, how do I keep going?”

“For them. Live to see and do all the things that they couldn’t.”

“It’s not that easy.”

Akihito gave a short bitter chuckle. “I never said it was. But what else is left?” They lapsed into silence before he spoke tentatively, “Can I see it? Your tattoo, I mean?”

Aoki finally let go of his hand and wiped away the remnants of her tears. She pulled up her skirt until a pattern of white lace and flowers was shown on the inside of her pale thigh. Fresh red lines of just healing flesh marred the pattern. 

“It’s beautiful.”

“Thank you.” He could hear the wistful sadness in her voice.

“I would not recommend cutting there though.” He gestured to the scar marring his soulmate tattoo. “You’ll regret it if it scars.”

“Do you regret it?”

Akihito thought for a moment before replying slowly, “No. Because that’s how he found me. He could feel the ghost pain and when I gave up, he called the helpline and they found which hospital I was in. So without this I might still be alone and hurting.”

“You didn’t tell me to stop cutting, you just said not there. I’m surprised.”

“It would be a bit hypocritical of me, wouldn’t it? You shouldn’t, it’s not healthy. But I still get tempted sometimes. I found the pain a relief, grounding almost. Sometimes when I get really overwhelmed I almost want to do it again. But I take photos now. Every time it all gets too much, and sometimes even just for fun, I look around for something to express how I’m feeling. It might be a colour or an object or just the picture as a whole. My psychologist says I have to send them to people as a way of talking. I find that just the act of searching for something to express myself distracts me enough that I don’t feel so overwhelmed anymore. So if you like, you can do that with me too.”

“I would like that.”

Akihito nodded and stood. He reached out his hand and helped Aoki to her feet, keeping hold of her hand even once she was standing. “Let’s go back to our friends.” Her eyes widened slightly when he said ‘our’. “Can I tell them?” She gave a small nod and then he was pulling her back down the beach into the mass of people. He didn’t even notice the stares anymore, didn’t care. This was far more important.

When they finally found everyone, Akihito ignored the curious looks and introduced his new friend.

“Hi guys, this is Aoki Mayu and she recently lost her soulmate. Please help me look after her.”

Ai was on her in a second, grabbing her in a tight squeeze. Aoki broke down again as she was surrounded by people all offering her support and comfort. 

Akihito smiled at the sight, soft and sweet. 

It marked the third piece of his heart slotting back into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't remember Aoki Mayu's name and had to go back through some of the Finder chapters just to locate it XD


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Congrats on the bonus chapter! We were quiet at work so I got to come home early so I spent my extra free time finishing up this chapter :D

There was something very satisfying about watching Akihito slowly grow into himself. Laughter rang through the penthouse frequently now and voices chattered away excitedly. It had become the preferred study spot for Akihito and his friends; gangly teen bodies were often strewn across the lounge floor interspersed with junk food wrappers. He had become an excellent host, learning how to whip up easy snack food and wrangling his friends into helping. His friends often brought around baked goods or bentos to contribute and Akihito seemed to thrive on their quiet, careful attentions. He was honestly far happier over a home prepared bento as a present than literally anything else.

Asami had quickly worked out that it was the effort and though put into the present that positively thrilled Akihito. An hour spent making even the most basic bento would trump something purchased with a bare five minutes thought any day for him. It was certainly a novelty for Asami although it made it tricky to try and give him presents. Asami himself was so used to buying things that it was making it a little challenging to think of what he could do that was meaningful to the young man. He quickly worked out that coming home early or bringing a small treat of pocky or a nice sushi set got him the most beautiful beaming smile in return. 

Akihito’s ongoing dabbling in photography had proven to be something that not only immensely helped the teen focus himself mentally but also gave Asami an insight into his perspective. The teen didn’t seem to realise just how the way he captured photographs revealed his own state of mind but also how much they showed a unique insight into the subject itself. Gone was the time of random, blurry photos of virtually anything that caught Akihito’s eye, instead there was stunning moment-in-time stills, abstracts that perfectly illustrated his mood interspersed with cheeky selfies. 

But Asami’s favourite by far were his portrait photos. He was certain Akihito never asked the person to pose for him, he just saw a moment and took the opportunity to snap off the photo, but they captured something he had only rarely seen even in professional photos. Somehow Akihito was able to catch the mood of a moment in time perfectly. As much as Asami enjoyed the happy, smiling photographs, he found the more sombre, almost melancholy snapshots far more powerful. Somehow they would convey a feeling of quiet strength under the shadow of raw emotion and more than once, Asami found himself catching his breath at the sheer emotion conveyed. It was as though Akihito understood people’s pain on a deeply instinctual level but instead of thinking of them as weak, he endeavoured to show them the strength in themselves. 

His little soulmate was a truly remarkable creature.

***

Arita flicked a pen at him and it bounced off his forehead causing the other teen to burst into a fit of laughter. Akihito sighed, seemingly annoyed but it was given away by the twitching of his lips as he fought down his own laugh. He soon found himself chuckling along in spite of his annoyance, Arita’s laughter was infectious.

“You should have seen your face!”

“What was that even for anyway?” He rubbed his forehead where the pen had bounced off, it stung ever so slightly.

“You had that far away I’m-wallowing-in-emotions-by-myself-again look. I just thought that would be a good way to get your attention. You gonna tell me what’s up?”

Akihito sighed again and ran his hands through his hair. They were both sprawled out on his bedroom floor completing homework after having spent the day at the mall with Akihito’s newer school friends. He had been a little anxious about whether or not they would all get along but Arita fit right in perfectly. It was a relief that all of his friends got on well and they had even suggested all going out together again next time Arita visited. 

“Mayu-chan’s birthday is coming up. I know she said she didn’t want us to do anything over the top but I would like to get something special for her. Nothing big or crazy but still special. She’s been struggling with the loss of her soulmate even with help and still hasn’t told her parents yet. I told her I would go with her if she wanted but she doesn’t think they will understand or worse, will start treating her differently. I kinda get that. It’s nice to know someone has your back but I hate it when people start treating me like I’m some fragile little flower because of this stupid scar.” 

He stared down at the jagged upraised scar marring his soulmate tattoo. It’s a mark he would never be proud of, it represented his lowest moment after all, but he was starting to accept it as a part of him. Asami called it a mark of a survivor and the fact that he was still alive was a symbol of strength. While Akihito understood the thoughts behind such a sentiment, he still couldn’t quite say he felt the same way. But at the same time, he was able to reach out to Mayu with understanding because of it. Still, it drove him crazy when people treated him differently to others. 

“How much worse is it for people with white tattoos? People treat me differently when they see the scar but how much worse for those like Mayu-chan? It doesn’t help anyone either. It’s not like she’s suddenly any less of a person, any less herself because someone that she never met died. So what if her perfect person died? She never even met them in the first place. She can still find someone to love, someone to live for but the stigma surrounding white tattoos makes it nearly impossible. It’s stupid.”

“It’s not completely stupid.” He looked over to Arita who was twisting a pen between his fingers in thought. “I agree but yet I don’t. People treat them differently because it makes them wonder how they would feel if they lost their soulmate. It makes them question and for many people, the thought of living by themselves is just unimaginable. So they avoid rather than face that idea head on. What if you lost Asami-san?”

He shuddered at the thought. Asami had become the foundation that he had built his new life around. Without him it would all come crumbling down and far, far worse than before. 

“I don’t even want to think about that.” He admitted. “But that has nothing to do with how I treat Mayu-chan.”

“I’m not saying it does, I’m just saying that’s why others react the way they do. I agree that they shouldn’t be treated like less somehow. You are your own person and while it supposedly feels like a part of yourself is missing when the other person dies, it doesn’t make you any less whole. You are still you. Nothing can change that.”

They sat in contemplative silence for a while. It was a perception Akihito desperately wanted to change. If there wasn’t such a dependence on soulmates and such a stigma surrounding losing them, might his mother have survived the death of his father? All he could think of was how she did seem to be getting through it while people were supporting her. People would come and engage her, make sure she was okay, chatter away as though nothing’s wrong even though they were so obviously not mentioning the elephant in the room. But as soon as that stopped, along with the government supplied support, that’s when she started to drown in her loss. But what could he do to change the perspective of the entire world? 

Nothing. 

Nothing at all.

Arita moved from his cushion, plonking himself down right beside Akihito and leaned against him so they were sitting shoulder to shoulder. It was his way of trying to ground Akihito in the here and now while simultaneously offering his support. Appreciating the gesture, he leaned back against Arita in silent acceptance.

“So, what do you want to do for her birthday?”

“I want to show her that she’s still beautiful.”

There was a pregnant pause with Akihito’s cheeks slowly reddening as the words he spoke aloud registered. He waited for Arita to start laughing at his cheesy line or say that he had been spending too much time with Ai but instead the other teen just flashed him a soft smile.

“Good thing you’re virtually a certified photographer already, huh?”

Heart swelling at the casual praise, Akihito returned the smile. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

***

Akihito was so wrapped up in planning for Mayu’s birthday present that he completely forgot his own birthday. It wasn’t until he walked into the kitchen to see a large neatly wrapped box on the table that he remembered. Asami walked into the room dressed in his bathrobe and pulled him from his inspection of the box for a quick kiss.

Rapidly turning pink, Akihito tried wriggle away, much to Asami’s apparent amusement, but he was caught tight for a few more little kisses before the other man released him. 

“Happy birthday, Akihito.”

Keen to move the attention away from his now bright red face, he grabbed the box eagerly and held it up.

“For me?”

“It is.” Asami chuckled as he sat at the table, golden eyes fixed intently on Akihito’s face. “Go on.”

Suddenly feeling a mix of excited, nervous and oddly shy, Akihito slowly set about tearing off the colourful wrapping paper. He caught a glimpse of a picture on the box and with a cry of delighted surprise, set to tearing the rest of the paper off enthusiastically. He stared in wonder at the large box before him.

It was a very high model DSLR camera. Knowing Asami it was certainly going to be top of the range. He looked at his soulmate in speechless surprise and was met with a pleased smile.

“Your photos have been getting really quite exceptional lately so I thought you might like a new toy to play with. I have it on very good authority that that is the best non-specialised camera. So unless you decide to specialise in a specific style of photography then it should be perfect. There’s also special lenses that we can get for it for different purposes. I didn’t know which ones you’d like so I thought we could visit the store tomorrow and pick a few out.”

“Tomorrow?”

“I don’t want to ruin the surprise but I believe your friends are eager to steal you away for tonight.”

“Oh.”

Akihito stared at the camera box for a long time as he tried to let it all sink in. Asami had gotten him a wonderful present and his friends had remembered and obviously approached Asami directly to organise some kind of birthday party for him. He was completely overwhelmed. He hadn’t even remembered his own birthday, it just didn’t feel that important. He certainly felt important now.

He barely registered his vision blurring and then there was large, warm arms wrapping around him. He buried his face into the exposed skin of Asami’s neck while he cried quietly. It wasn’t too long until his tears had run dry but he stayed pressed close against his soulmate who was still rubbing soothing circles on his back. 

“Thank you.”

“It was my pleasure, Akihito. Just remember that you still have to send me photos regularly. You might need to email some through now instead.”

Akihito giggled and finally detached himself from Asami’s soothing embrace. 

“You really like receiving my pictures, huh?”

“I do. You are quite the amateur photographer.”

Pleased and excited, Akihito quickly unpacked the camera and assembled it. The very first photo taken with the camera was a slightly shaky selfie of a grinning Akihito with Asami smiling warmly over his shoulder.

***

It had taken a lot of convincing to get Mayu to agree to the photo shoot and she nearly got up and walked out once Akihito told her he wanted her soulmate tattoo visible. The only reason she agreed in the end was because it was him asking and because he was the only other person in the room. Still, she was hesitant and Akihito had to plead with her that he wanted it for her birthday present.

He had spent quite some time practising with the different angles and lighting with Arita the weekend prior so that he knew exactly how to go about this. The last thing he needed was to get stuck and keep her there for ages. It was a little exciting to use his new camera for the first time doing something fully serious. He had spent many hours playing around with it to get the hang of all the different lenses and settings and finally was putting all that testing to use. He had a very specific task to complete and he was determined to show Mayu exactly how strong and beautiful she really was. It hurt him like a physical pain to see glimpses of her pain through her mask. Akihito had to wonder if that’s how Asami felt every time he broke down.

Leaning on a tall stool with a very short dress, the kind that would normally be considered a long top to be worn with pants, she stared uneasily into the camera while her hand twitched as though wanting to cover the exposed white tattoo.

“It’s okay, it’s just me.” He smiled at her reassuringly and he got a wobbly smile in return.

Carefully he moved about the room, gently guiding Mayu to change positions and encouraging her to talk. The topics ranged from anything to everything. Finally he brought up the dreaded topic of soulmates. He got her to talk about all her hopes and dreams from before they had come crashing down, all of her plans made in idle daydreams and the things she wished she knew the most.

Finally, after nearly thirty minutes of talking and moving, he caught it. That one perfect moment that glimpsed into the soul of a person. All the other photos were nice, good even, but he knew this one would be perfect. He snapped off a few more before calling it complete. Placing the camera away carefully, he approached Mayu and held his arms out for a hug. She shyly stepped forward and they stood for a moment in a warm embrace. He squeezed her, trying to convey all the feelings he just couldn’t express with words.

“Thank you for letting me do this, I know it was hard but I promise it will be worth it. You’ll see.”

Mayu gave a watery laugh and pulled away to wipe at her wet cheeks. “I’ll hold you to that, Aki-chan.”

***

Akihito plugged in his SD card to his adapter and loaded up his laptop. He was excited to see the photo on a big screen, the photo looked perfect on the tiny camera screen so he was hopeful it would look even better in full resolution. Loading up the photo editing software that Asami had sneakily got as part of his birthday present, he started importing the photos from the memory card onto a new folder on his computer. He had taken far more photos than he had realised and it took some time to locate the photo he wanted. There were quite a few that he really liked now that he was seeing them blown up but that one photo was something special, he was sure.

And there it was. Akihito loaded it into the editing program and just sat, staring for a long time.

It was stunning.

Mayu leaning against the tall stool, one hand holding the chair, the other wiping at a single trail of tears running down her cheek while she stared straight into the camera. The lighting gave her an almost ethereal glow and it highlighted the white soulmate mark on her skin beautifully. Her eyes expressed pain and sadness but her posture seemed to indicate a quiet strength. It was like she was in pain but she was bowed down by that emotion not broken. The sadness in her eyes seemed raw but not consuming. He felt the emotions displayed in the picture on a level that he could never, ever express in words.

It was like looking into a mirror from a few months ago. It was that window into a person’s soul that could be seen only occasionally when they let their walls fall for the briefest of moments. 

“Did you take this with your new camera?”

“Waah!” Akihito jumped in his seat and swung around to look at Asami with wide eyes. The older man was leaning over his shoulder and peering at the laptop screen.

“I tried calling your name a few times but you didn’t answer so I came to see what had caught your attention.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“Its fine, I just wanted to see if you wanted to order something in for dinner but if you are busy then I think that answers that.”

“Oh, no, it’s okay! I can cook! I was just having a look before I got organised.”

Akihito made to get up but Asami put his hand on his shoulder and pushed him back down. 

“We can order in tonight, its fine to take a break from cooking if you have something else to do. Is this the birthday present for your friend?”

“Yeah.” Suddenly shy, he looked at Asami out of the corner of his eye. He was so used to sending Asami photos and even getting some in return but he had never had him actually tell him what he thought of the photos. 

“It’s very striking. Are you going to edit it? It looks like it could hang on a gallery wall just as it is.”

Warmth flushed through him at the casual praise. It was clear Asami meant what he said and he had just gone and said it straight out without any thought. That was his first impression. The man turned his head to meet his gaze and Akihito flushed even more at the soft warmth in his expression.

“I ah… I don’t want to edit it much or that will defeat the point. I just want to tweak the lighting slightly so that she stands out even more and that will be done. I was hoping to blow it up and frame it but I don’t know how to do that.”

“We can go tomorrow to pick out a frame and order it, if you would like. Can I ask why you picked this for the present? It’s beautiful but I’m curious as to why.”

The teen was silent for a moment trying to gather his thoughts as he looked over the photograph again. “I wanted to show her how I see her. It’s like right now, all she sees in herself is the pain and sadness and as something less than other people. It’s like…” He put his hands up covering most of the screen except for her eyes that were left staring out from the screen full of melancholy. It changed the dynamic of the photo immensely. “It’s like all she can see of herself is this part. All the sadness, all the pain and nothing else. She can’t see her own beauty, how much we all care for her or her own strength.” He took his hands away to reveal the picture in full. “So I’m going to show her how I see her.”

Asami was silent for a while before he spoke softly. “You are the same.”

“What?” He turned back in confusion and was pinned in place by intense golden eyes.

“You see yourself in the same way that she does, only the bad and none of the good. You can recognise pain in others and you understand it on a level that most people can never achieve and you use that to help them, to lift them up and show them that there is more to see. You show them their own strength without making them feel less. In fact, you make them feel whole.”

Stunned, Akihito opened his mouth but no words would form. His disbelief must have been clear on his face.

“I’m not just referring to Aoki-kun. While she is the most obvious example of it, you reach out to people on a subconscious level every single day. The child with the lost balloon the other day, the elderly woman who was struggling to walk across the road in time to make the lights, my secretary a few weeks back, the checkout woman from the grocery store, store assistants, random strangers in the street. Your friends. You don’t even know how you touch people, the pain may be fleeting, it might be over something insubstantial but that never seems to matter. You just smile that bright smile and show them another perspective. You think you are weak because of what you went through and how you nearly gave up. As though that scar makes you less. But I see you like this.” He pointed to the photo on the screen. 

When Akihito still didn’t respond, Asami took out his phone and after hitting a few buttons, handed it over. Wordlessly, he took it and stared at the screen. It was the photo albums stored on Asami’s phone and there was only one album labelled ‘Akihito’.

With a shaking hand, he tapped on the album and his eyes flew wide. It was photos he had sent Asami over the last few days. There was all manner of them. Selfies with friends, pictures of people and places, abstract pictures of objects and even the odd landscape. He scrolled through them, back and back he went. There must be hundreds if not thousands of photos. All the selfies had wide smiles and laughing eyes, sometimes even silly faces. There was no sadness there, just moments depicting pure joy. He looked different than he remembered seeing in the mirror. Selfies were something he always sent other people but would never go back through himself. He didn’t like looking at photos of himself, it felt like when he used to stare into the mirror and see a broken image reflected in the glass. 

But these were different. He looked at each photo with fresh eyes, trying to see himself how he would see others. He didn’t look sad or pained or broken. Even when he wasn’t grinning madly into the camera, he seemed almost confident. There was a strength to the set of his shoulders that he never saw before. 

Still scrolling through the pictures, Akihito noticed the small changes as they went further and further back. Less smiles, less selfies and more abstract objects or mood like scenes. Also many blurry edges and bad composition, to the point he internally flinched at the shoddy quality. There was just so many. 

Had Asami saved every single photo he had sent him?

Finally at the end of the album, he was left at the very first picture he had taken a few days after they met, their intertwined fingers. He looked back up at Asami.

“Is this…?”

“Now go back through.”

His hands were shaking even harder than before but he slowly set to going back through the photos starting from the beginning. He watched in quiet wonder as the photos changed. The quality improved markedly but it was the change in the mood of the photos that captured his attention the most. Changing from moody and sorrowful to lighter, happier photos. Sombre colours of greys and blacks changed to bright blue skies and soft, warm yellows. Pictures of himself started appearing and slowly his smile widened. There was still the odd quietly sad photo but they grew few and far between. Well, at least now he knew how Asami always seemed to know when he had a bad day.

By the time he got to the present day he was crying quietly, tears rolling down his face unchecked and Asami pulled the phone from his trembling fingers. He pressed another few buttons and brought up a selfie from just a few weeks back. Akihito was grinning cheekily into the camera and you could see his friends on the beach just behind him. He looked happy. He looked loved and looked after and his shoulders were set confidently with his soulmate tattoo glinting in the bright summer light.

“This is how I see you.”

It was like the damn burst. Asami huffed a small laugh and pulled him from his chair to sit them both down on the edge of his bed. Akihito found himself in the other man’s lap and he clutched at him tightly. 

He was no more broken than Mayu was. They were both people, full and whole and just as real as everyone else. Just as able to experience pain and sadness as they were able to experience happiness and love. 

How was it that he could see everyone else one way and yet hold himself to a different standard? 

Weren’t they the same?

He thought that she deserved all the happiness in the world. 

So did that mean that he did as well?

Akihito knew that just knowing that he thought that way would not immediately changed how he felt about himself. Even now his mind was rebelling against the thought that he was somehow on par with his friends or even Asami and not some broken bit of useless nothing but now that he was aware of it, he would start to change.

How painful it must be for Asami to see him like this, to see him so differently to how he saw himself. He wondered if the other man felt the same kind of pain that he felt when Mayu pushed them all away and locked up her pain inside thick walls in her heart. 

“I’m sorry.”

The arms around him tightened.

“Don’t be. All you have to do is understand just how much you are worth to all those around you. You are priceless, Akihito.”

And so the fourth piece of Akihito’s heart slipped firmly back into place.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please take note that the rating and tags have been updated before reading ^^

Akihito had been nervous about how Aoki would take her birthday present but it turns out he needn’t have worried. The photograph had been blown up in size and framed with a simple black frame. It was stunning in its simplicity but it was hard not to be nervous over how it would be received. He would never forget watching as Aoki sat for endless moments just staring at the picture of herself before just bursting into tears.

_“This is me.” She had sobbed out. “This is me.”_

_“This is how we see you.” Akihito had said quietly as he gently squeezed her shoulder._

_“I’m beautiful.”_

_“Of course.”_

It had taken a long time for her tears to subside as Aoki cried herself out in her friend’s arms. Once she was dry eyed again, she had stood with the picture in hand and asked, with a great deal of determination and just the slightest hint of unease, if they would help her finally come clean to her parents. 

So it was that Aoki finally told her parents of her white soulmate mark and showed them the beautiful picture of her filled with raw emotion but still standing strong. There was a lot more tears, from all sides, but it seemed like an invisible burden had lifted from Aoki shoulders at finally having told her parents. Her mother was beside herself after having been frequently talking about soulmates to her daughter for all this time without realising but she thanked Akihito profusely for the photograph. He had been embarrassed and had tried to pass it off as nothing but not even his friends would let him. So he asked if he could use it in a national photography competition that the shop that had framed the photo suggested he enter. He would like the photo to be seen by more people, it showed that Aoki was hurting but not broken, that she was still a person and he wanted the world to see her as he did. But he wouldn’t if she didn’t want to be seen so intimately by strangers.

Back straight and standing drawn up to her full height, Aoki had told Akihito in imperious tones that he had to enter the competition with her photo. Determination lit her gaze as she looked at him with eyes brimming with emotion.

_“Show the world that I’m not broken and don’t need anyone’s pity.”_

As promised, he had entered the photo into the open category for the national competition. It would be a number of months before he heard anything back but he was hopeful that maybe somehow the photograph would speak to others as it did to him.

***

Lying on his bed, Akihito groaned when his phone started ringing. With a huff he grabbed the offending device from his bedside table and grumbled as he answered Arita.

“Yes?”

“Wow, you are grumpy, aren’t you?”

“I don’t exactly feel like talking, is it important?”

“You’ve been sending me pictures that are all dark and dreary and grey the last few days. Figured if it’s going on this long then you should talk about it.” Akihito sighed and ran a hand over his face. “Aki.” Arita said warningly. 

“It’s stupid.”

“That’s fine. Just talk to me. I know you find it hard but it’s hard just sitting back wondering what is going on when it’s clear something is. And it’s clearly not something small if it’s been this long.”

Akihito chewed on his lip anxiously for a few drawn out moments before finally starting to talk.

“So I was at Sion the other day after school. Asami was going to pick me up as we were going to go out for dinner but he was running late so I got dropped off there to wait for him.” He trailed off as he tried to find the right words.

“And?” Came Arita’s gentle prompting after a while of silence.

“Asami was talking with a woman, she was all dressed up in office attire and she looked so pretty and sophisticated and they just looked really good together. They were laughing at some joke she said and I just… He could have anyone but he gets stuck with me. Why me? Some awkward teenager that hasn’t got a clue and still cries at stupid things at the drop of a hat.”

“Okay, you’re right. It’s stupid.”

“That actually doesn’t help.”

“Don’t care. You are actually being stupid this time. That man loves you. Anyone can see it by the way he looks at you and treats you. You _need_ to talk to him Aki. You are soulmates, you are the most compatible people for each other on this entire earth. How crazy is that? You have the most perfect person for you right here and you are stressing out about if you are good enough? That’s already been proven. Take a good, hard look at your arm, that’s you as much as it is Asami-san. I know you know this. Are you just stressed with our final exams coming up and it’s frying your brain? Seriously Aki, didn’t we just go through with Aoki-chan about the whole self-worth thing? Because you know that applies to you too. We’ve talked about this already.”

“Yes, but-”

“Nope. No buts. _Talk to him_. You’re well over eighteen now Aki, you are allowed to start a relationship with Asami-san now. You’re legal now, not that anyone would have cared beforehand to be honest, what with the whole soulmate thing.”

“It’s not that easy.”

Arita sighed. “No, it’s not. But you still need to talk to Asami-san and you need to do it soon. Don’t make me come up there to kick your ass for being stupid.”

Akihito snorted, lips twitching into a slight smile. “You’re too far away and it’s only midweek, we’ve got school.”

“You know who can kick your ass for me? Ai-chan. So if you keep being stupid, I’ll call Ai-chan and she’ll kick it for me.”

Akihito laughed aloud at that. “You’re right, she probably could too.”

“When does Asami-san get home?”

“Late, I probably won’t see him until tomorrow.” He admitted, the other man always tried to be home to see him for at least a few hours in the evenings but it wasn’t always possible.

“Alright, I give you until the weekend. If you haven’t talked to Asami-san by next week, I’m setting Ai-chan on you.”

“Fine, fine.”

“If you’ve been sending all those photos to him as well, he probably knows something is up anyway.”

“They’re not that bad.”

“Uh-huh. You should take a look at them.”

They exchanged their goodbyes and once the phone call had ended, Akihito scrolled through his latest photos and winced. He hadn’t realised at the time but they really were rather depressing. All greys and shadows and abstract. Flinging the phone down onto the bed with a groan, Akihito ran his hands over his face. He didn’t want to talk to his soulmate. How the hell would he be able to put his feelings into words? He couldn’t do that at the best of times, that’s why he expressed himself through photographs. Even worse, there’s no way Asami didn’t know something was up and he’s probably going to do that thing where he’s all patient and gentle but firm enough that he can’t escape. Then Akihito is no doubt going to blurt everything out in the worst possible way.

He had been avoiding this for a while. His body was certainly sending signals to get closer to Asami, if his recent embarrassing dreams had been any indication, but this wasn’t a new fear. Far from it. It had been luring in the back of his mind for a long time but he had always pushed it away with the excuse that he wasn’t ready. Seeing Asami talking with that woman had forced him to confront the fact that it wasn’t that he wasn’t ready, it’s that he didn’t feel like he was good enough. Asami frequently showered him with small affections but it was little touches and chaste kisses, almost like one would do for a child, barring the on the lips thing. 

Clearly the man was treating him like a child, did he even look at him in the way Akihito looked at him with all those defined muscled and rakish hair? The man was hot as hell and set his teenaged hormones off like nothing he had ever experienced. He didn’t think he did. How could you find a gangly, awkward teen attractive? Was he just doing it out of obligation because they were soulmates?

“Ugghhhh.” He groaned as he rolled over to bury his face in his pillows. Anxiety swirled low in his gut making him feel nauseous. Deciding to skip dinner, Akihito fished out his headphones and attempted to drown out his thoughts in the heaviest music he could find on his phone. 

It was going to be a long night.

***

Akihito didn’t sleep well at all and woke up feeling tired and grumpy, the anxiety swirling in his stomach had reached a peak once he realised that Asami was home. He could hear the other man in the shower once he had gotten up and moved towards the bathroom hoping to sneak in early to avoid having to deal with him. It was not to be.

He retreated back to his bedroom after dithering in the hallway for a few minutes. He was just pacing around his room when he heard the bathroom door open and the sound of Asami talking as he moved through the penthouse. Popping his head out his door, Akihito was greeted by a very well defined back that was dripping with water. Asami was talking on the phone and stood still dripping with a towel slung low around his hips. Swallowing hard at the sight and cursing his teenaged hormones, Akihito rearranged his pyjama pants and hoped Asami wouldn’t notice his embarrassing state as he ventured out into the hallway.

His soulmate turned around when Akihito cleared his throat and he pointed back towards the bathroom. 

“Will you be awhile?”

Asami nodded and Akihito made his way back to the bathroom, maybe he could still get lucky and have the man too distracted and avoid their little conversation for a while yet. He slipped into the still steamy bathroom and turned the shower back on before heading over the sink. He had started to grow some stubble in the last few months and had, with great trepidation, started shaving. It had gone more smoothly than everyone had thought. Asami had been hovering over him the first few times he had handled a razor but surprisingly, the sight of a razor blade had never triggered him. 

If he cut himself, it was slightly different, blood tended to make him a bit shaky but not usually a full on panic attack. He had just learned to be very careful and take it very slowly. If he was honest, he was just thankful he didn’t have to shave often. His psychologist, Tamura-sensei, thought he didn’t react to razors because they had provided the means for something of a catharsis for him but the blood signified the pain and the moment where he tried to take his own life. It was all a bit deep for him but he was glad he didn’t have panic attacks over something that he needed to use frequently.

Akihito approached the sink with the intent to get his stuff ready for after his shower when he spotted something gleaming beside the tap. Curious, he peered closer at the shiny metal that was peeking out from a beautiful dark redwood handle. Very slowly he picked it up and opened it in his hands. A straight razor. Asami used a straight razor to shave. No wonder he always looked so perfectly clean shaven. They were said to give the closest shave possible but were very dangerous if you weren’t careful. 

Cut throat.

That was the other name a straight razor was known by because you could very easily open your throat with one of these. The metal shone in the florescent light and he could see just how sharp it was, such a far cry from the pitiful little scraps of metal he had pulled from his cheap razors. What could have happened if he had access to one of these? It was mesmerizingly beautiful the way the light bounced off sharp edge of the razor blade. 

Gently, oh so gently, he pressed his finger against the blade and watched in surprise as it immediately sliced through his skin with no resistance whatsoever. Large droplets of red oozed around the blade and he stood transfixed by the sight. It was so easy to press just a little harder and move it down slightly to open up more of his finger and that was when the pain hit all at once. The shock of it had Akihito crying out and the straight razor dropped from nerveless fingers to clatter noisily into the sink. 

Suddenly sparked into motion, Akihito threw himself backwards and tripped over the bathmat to land on his ass. His field of vision narrowed until all he could see was the blood dripping down his fingers to pool in his palm. There was so much blood and it just kept flowing. His entire body was shaking violently and tears streamed down his face to splash onto his hand, the water mixing with the slick blood. 

Then something was grabbing at him, his vision was pulled from the stark red he had been fixated on but everything else was too blurry for him to make out. Akihito cried out in pain as something touched his finger but was soothed by the warm presence at his side. He continued to cry quietly, body trembling violently, while Asami gently cleaned and dressed the wound on his finger. The other man spoke quietly to him, gently soothing him with his words, while he worked. Once finished, he turned off the shower, put the small first aid kit away along with the straight razor, and bodily picked Akihito up. He carried him bridal style effortlessly, muscles easily able to handle his slight weight. 

“You don’t have to carry me.” Akihito mumbled sullenly. “I didn’t do anything stupid to my feet.”

Asami didn’t answer but he didn’t the blonde down either. Surprisingly, he entered into his own room, the master bedroom, and sat down on the edge of the massive bed with Akihito still cradled in his arms. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have left that out.”

Akihito’s breath caught at the soft apology. Not once had he ever heard the man apologise to someone, let alone for something that he didn’t do. Akihito felt so stupid. What the hell had he been thinking touching that razor? What had come over him to do that? Why had he fixated like that? So much for getting better. A large hand came up and gently brushed the tears he hadn’t even realised were falling again. He found himself being pulled even tighter against his soulmates chest and pushed himself away with his good hand.

He felt wretched. Completely stupid and beyond broken.

“Oh no you don’t. I’m not letting you run away from this. Somethings been wrong all week. I was happy to wait for you to come to me about it but not now. You are going to have to start talking.”

“How…” He croaked out through his tears. “How is it that you can still be so good to me after all of this? Why is it that you could have anyone in the world yet you get stuck with me? Some broken, awkward teenager who can’t even be trusted to go to the bathroom by himself.”

“Akihito,” Asami’s voice was almost a growl. “We’ve been through this.”

“Have we? Because I don’t see how you could still want me when I’m clearly not in any way close to being not broken.”

“You’re not broken, Akihito. Hurting still, but not broken.”

“Why me? I don’t understand.”

“Remember what you did for Aoki, Akihito? It’s the same thing. You aren’t seeing yourself as the rest of us see you. The way I see you.”

“How can I be enough?” Akihito was crying again, fat tears rolling down his cheeks as he tried to remove himself from Asami’s lap.

“Do you remember what I said to you the first week you were here? _Give me your life. Each of your tomorrows. I will give you the entire world if that’s what it will take so that you are so indebted to me that you will give me your everything. I want your lifetime and in return, I will give you mine._ Had you already forgotten?”

Asami reached out and linked their fingers like he had that night when Akihito had taken his first photo of expression, as Tamura-sensei called them.

“I have been holding back this entire time, I wanted to wait for you to come to me once you were ready, but you’ve been avoiding me lately. Is this why?” Akihito winced, giving enough confirmation in that action alone. “Then I’m done with waiting. I’m not going to sit back and watch you doubt your worth to me.”

The older man shifted them suddenly, moving Akihito so that he was lying flat on his back on the bed with Asami caging him in place. Nervous and still feeling out of sorts, he turned his head away and closed his eyes. He couldn’t handle this, not right now. Not feeling like this. 

“Akihito, look at me.”

Slowly he turned his face back to his soulmate and opened his eyes until he was staring directly into Asami’s. 

“You are priceless, Akihito. You are beyond worth. You are attractive, physically yes, but mentally too. Do you know hard it has been to hold back as I watched you grow into yourself? As your body filled out and as you gained confidence? You just radiate life and vitality and purpose. I am not a nice man, Akihito. I have done many a dark and violent thing in my time on earth so far but you, you are the angel to my demon. You just want to make the world a better place, you don’t care about the politics or posturing. You see right through into people’s very soul and you accept them without question. You make me a better person. You think I deserve to have my pick of people on this earth? I deserve no one. Not for what I have done. But you, you have been given to me. You are mine, Akihito, and I will never let you go. Not for an eternity. You are mine. It’s your forever for my forever. Do you understand?”

Shakily Akihito nodded. The entire speech had taken him by surprise but the implication behind the man’s words had taken his breath away by the end. It left his mind reeling and he remained pliant in Asami’s grip as he moved him further up the bed so that he was lying back against the puffy pillows. The other man moved to rummage around in his bedside drawers before settling his weight back on top of Akihito.

He didn’t have a chance to see what it was he had grabbed before lips crashed against his and oh. 

_Oh._

That was not the chaste kiss that he was used to. Oh no. Lips moved against his own and a thumb pressed on his chin, opening his mouth for a tongue to swipe inside. It felt like Asami was invading his entire being, his weight pressed down on him, his strong arms holding him in place and Akihito wrapped his arms around his neck to have something to hold on. But more than anything, it felt so good. The chaste kisses had almost been awkward, just a hint, a bare taste of something more and Akihito was finally getting to experience what they had hinted at. 

Slowly, almost reverently, Asami pulled Akihito out of his pyjamas. After each article of clothing he immediately captured his lips back in a kiss, not giving him a chance to feel shy or embarrassed. He removed the towel around his waist, tossing it to the floor and just like that, there was nothing left between them. Akihito could feel the entire length of Asami’s hard body pressing against his own and found that his nervousness melted away with each press of warm skin against his own. His lips were beginning to feel a little puffy but he didn’t want to pull away. Not now that he had tasted the other man, all he wanted was to stay locked in that embrace forever. It was comforting, that warm presence. 

It changed from comforting to hot and wet very quickly with the introduction of teeth. Asami nipped at his lip, biting down just a little, enough to sting but not enough to break skin. Akihito soon found himself hard and wanting, writhing and panting under his soulmate as his neck was being lavished with attention. A wandering hand found his nipple and starting abusing that, earning louder and louder moans from Akihito. He honestly didn’t think he had ever been so turned on in his life. Then that measurement of horniness went out the window when that same hand moved down to stroke his cock. Oh, now that was far better than doing it himself. 

“Asami…” Akihito whispered as the man sat back onto his heels while he grabbed the thing from earlier. Lube, he realised as the lid was popped off and the slippery substance was spread over thick fingers.

“What should you be calling me?”

Confused, Akihito opened his mouth to repeat the name when he froze in realisation. “Ryuichi.” He said shyly, the name the barest whisper. The other man must have heard it though, because he smiled at him warmly.

Moving Akihito’s legs apart, he reached down between them as he dropped down onto his elbow, body once again covering his. The slippery fingers moved between his cheeks and gently massaged over his hole. Akihito’s breath hitched as a shiver ran through his body in anticipation.

“Just relax for me, okay?” 

He gave the barest nod in return and then a thick finger was pushing inside. It was an odd feeling, he wasn’t sure if it was enjoyable or unpleasant at that point but he was soon distracted by lips pressing against his own once again. 

Akihito lost track of time after that, all he was aware of was the increasing sparks of pleasure drawn by his soulmates knowledgeable hands and the kisses pressed to his lips, cheeks, neck, and chest. He wasn’t sure how many fingers were moving inside of him at that point, all he knew was that he was drowning in pleasure and that he needed Asami to be closer. Desperately Akihito pulled his soulmate closer to him, hands scrabbling at his neck and back to try and pull him impossibly close. He was so beyond everything at that point he couldn’t even feel the sharp stinging of his injured finger protesting the movement under the bandages as pain.

“Please.” He whispered brokenly, trying to convey his need. “Please. Ryuichi, I-I need…”

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” Asami husked into his ear before pulling back slightly as he removed his fingers. Trepidation fluttered through Akihito’s chest as Asami pushed back his thighs and lined up his impossibly hard cock at his entrance. The feeling was quickly brushed aside as Asami pushed slowly inside. It was one long, slow movement for him to be buried right to the hilt. 

The man dropped his weight back down onto Akihito and he pulled him closer still, wrapping his legs around him, trying to pull him closer, deeper. Asami kissed him again as he started to move and Akihito had never felt so loved, so warm and safe as he did right at that moment. He could feel the other man pulsing inside of him, his entire body running the length of his own and tears trickled down his cheeks of their own accord. They were joined together, so close that he didn’t honestly know where he ended and the other man began and it just felt to right.

So he cried even as he moaned out his pleasure.

Asami kissed away the tears as he slowly increased in force and speed. He stayed as close as he could to Akihito, face hovering inches above his with golden eyes boring into his own as they shared the same breath. Bolts of pleasure were shooting through him and he cried out in shock when Asami shifted and it suddenly intensified. Golden eyes narrowed and then he was hitting that place over and over as Akihito writhed in ecstasy. 

When he came it was with his soulmates name on his lips and his plaintive cries were joined by a low groan as Asami followed him over the precipice. 

They lay locked in their intimate embrace for a long time, just breathing and soaking in the others presence. Asami was the first to move as he shifted slightly to take back some of his own weight but Akihito whined at the loss. He didn’t care if the man was heavy, he didn’t even notice, he was too focused on the intimate feeling of holding someone so tightly to himself.

“Akihito,” Asami’s lips brushed his ear as he spoke in the barest whisper. “Aishiteru.”

Tears fell to once again be kissed away as Akihito sobbed freely.

Another piece of his heart slotted firmly back into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For any not aware, Aishiteru is very, very rarely used in Japanese culture. It's supposed to be even deeper than I love you and many people would never use it at all or would only say it a handful of times in their lives. It felt fitting here but I'm pretty sure I'm never going to get another confession like that out of Asami ever again XD He's too stubborn and emotionally constipated for that haha


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S FINISHED! I had never intended it to be so long, but now it's done!  
> I confess, I got a little emotional over this chapter, even though there is no angst, there is a lot of feels!

Akihito jolted slightly as arms slid around his waist and a warm body pressed up against his back. Asami had called the school and his work yesterday so that they could spend their entire day together, which was mostly spend in bed. He still blushed to think about it but at the same time, it brought a small smile to his face.

_“Aishiteru.”_

The memory of that moment would be carved into his heart forever. 

They had gotten up early that morning, meaning that there was enough time for Akihito to cook breakfast and even whip up a simple bento for both of them. He didn’t remember the last time he had slept so well, curled up in the circle of Asami’s arms and his heart beating steadily in his ear. Although perhaps that had more to do with the fact that he had been thoroughly worn out by that point but in the end, they had both drifted off to sleep very early in the evening. 

Asami nuzzled into his hair and Akihito hid a smile while he continued trying to cook even with the restriction of the larger man draped over his back. The man had been very touchy with him ever since yesterday morning and Akihito had to wonder just how much he had been holding back. It made him feel a little bit guilty that he had obviously been making it very hard for the other man while he drowned in his misplaced fears. 

It had been made very clear to him just how misplaced they actually were. 

Still, Asami had refused his apology when he had offered it, saying that it wasn’t needed as long as he understood now. 

He did.

For once in his life, he felt complete. He had friends that he knew loved him beyond any doubt and he knew his soulmate loved him beyond mere words. 

It was a freeing feeling.

Akihito gently elbowed Asami in the side, trying to get the man to move and when he finally did, it was with an air of great reluctance. He snickered, his soulmate was normally so put together and aloof so it was interesting seeing such a different side of him. There was something refreshing about knowing that Asami had a childish side too. He squeaked as the hand formerly around his waist slipped over his hip then down to grope his ass as the man moved away. Looking over his shoulder, he just managed to catch Asami’s grin before he left the kitchen. 

It might take a little more getting used to.

Breakfast was a quiet affair, Akihito replying to the numerous missed messages from his friends yesterday while Asami read the paper. He didn’t worry about saying too much beyond that he would be at school today. He was still a little sore after yesterday but Asami had made him soak in the bath with something added to it that had helped immensely. So hopefully he could avoid any embarrassing situations with his friends. 

It was not to be.

He met his friends at the gate to the school like they had arranged that morning and they all just grinned as soon as they saw him. It was a little disconcerting to say the least. 

“I’m so glad you’re okay!” Ai exclaimed as she gave him a quick hug.

“Eh?”

It was Kou who explained; “You’ve been pretty gloomy the last few days and when you weren’t here yesterday and not responding to any of our messages, we were pretty worried. Looks like it’s all sorted now though, you’re almost glowing with happiness.”

“We even contacted Arita-chan after we couldn’t get hold of you! He said it was something to do with Asami-san. But that’s definitely fixed now.” Ai giggled as she rummaged through her bag before handing him a plaster. “You have a kiss mark here.” She pointed to a spot high up on her neck in response to his confused look.

Akihito flushed and slapped a hand over his neck while his friends laugh good-naturedly. Aoki moved his hand, taking a photo to show him and sure enough, a red mark marred his skin just under his ear. Oh, he was going to have words with his soulmate. He let Aoki carefully plaster it up for him.

“Is your finger okay?” She asked quietly.

He held up his hand and flexed his finger. The movement sent a small spark of pain though it but it wasn’t so bad. Asami had wrapped it up well for him.

“Its fine,” He reassured her. “I cut myself but Ryuichi treated it for me.”

“Oh! First names now! How exciting! You’ll have to spill all the juicy details!”

Ai cackled as Akihito flushed an even brighter shade of red before stammering out a denial. Kou clapped him on the back and then he was being pulled excitedly into the school proper. For all their teasing, he could see that they were happy he was okay. 

It left a warm feeling in his chest and he found he didn’t mind the teasing quite so much today.

***

_“Congratulations, you have placed 1st in the open division for the national photography competition.”_

That was not an email that he expected to get. Akihito stared down at his phone in complete shock. He was motionless and unresponsive for long enough that one of his friends plucked his phone from his grip so they could check out what he was staring at. As exclamations and excitement ripped through his friends, Akihito finally looked up to catch Aoki’s eye.

“Looks like a lot of other people agree with me.”

She gave him a tremulous smile as tears gather in her eyes. 

“It means a lot somehow, that total strangers agree. I know that you guys would never say something you didn’t mean just to keep me happy but it’s nice to know that for certain, you know?”

Aoki cried even as she laughed. She was beautiful even in her pain and now she had confirmation of that from an outside, independent source. She was worth something more than pity or being forced to hide away. She was as human as the rest of them, able to experience the same pain but also have the same strength to stand up and carry on.

Together, they would show the world just how true that really was.

***

What Akihito had never expected was for the photograph to go viral.

The winners from the different divisions were posted online along with the captions from the photographers and Aoki’s picture was getting hundreds of shares per minute at its peak. It was all over the news, all over social media and Akihito couldn’t be happier. 

Why?

Because people were talking about it.

Soulmate loss was one of the most sensitive topics around but people were now finally talking about it. Full on debates and discussions online. People came out about their own experiences with losing their soulmates or having to watch as friends or family wasted away after losing theirs. 

But more than that, there was one overwhelming theme that kept coming up over and over again.

_She’s me. If she can be so strong even though it clearly hurts so much, maybe I can be too._

_She’s so beautiful but she’s the same as I am. Can I be beautiful like that? Not on the outside, but on the inside where all the scars are?_

It was repeated over and over. People who had lost their soulmates felt like less, they felt hideous and scarred inside and out. They felt weak and broken. Then they saw Aoki, stunning, not just in appearance but in her emotion. She was hurt and bleeding emotionally and it was all so clear in the photo but the quiet strength shone through. There she was, laid bare for the world to see and what they saw was breathtakingly beautiful. 

Pain and strength going hand in hand.

She was not broken, she had been brought to her knees and while she was down, she was not out. She was not less or to be pitied. No, she was to be admired for having the strength to pull through and carry on. 

His description of the photograph read:

_“I took this photograph for a friend. I wanted to show her the way that we, her friends, saw her. All she sees in the mirror is the pain in her eyes and the breaking wall of her façade. I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to look in the mirror and see that. But she’s more than that. It doesn’t matter that she cannot get through her loss on her own but she has far more strength than she realises, she just needs to see herself as we do. She’s not less or broken or undeserving. We are each the same, all human, and we should support each other as such. I hate the perception surrounding those that have lost their soulmates. Look at her. She doesn’t need your pity, she just needs understanding and support.”_

As more and more people started openly talking about the topic of lost soulmates and how not enough support was in place, he had a sense of déjà vu. 

It was exactly the same response that people had after his story had gone public. It hadn’t been quite such a big thing compared to this picture going viral but in principal, it was the same. 

And no doubt, the same thing would happen.

People would stand up and express their joy over finally having positive representation. People would make commitments and would be determined to offer more help to that one friend, or would stare in the mirror and tell themselves that they weren’t pathetic and believe it.

For a few days, maybe a few weeks.

Then what?

As the photograph becomes old news, what will take its place? What will keep people talking about soulmates and support for those that have lost?

The comments about how that photograph was so needed, so important, hit Akihito hard. So many people wished that they could have a photograph of themselves like that. So many wished that they could have friends that would reach out to them like Akihito did, instead of awkwardly treating them differently. 

It hit him just how important representation was. How important it was to keep people talking openly about their loss or to reach out to others to offer support. 

That photograph represented all those like Aoki and even like Akihito, those that had been affected by the loss of a soulmate, even if more indirectly. It represented those who needed support and understanding not pity or wilful ignorance. 

Asami found Akihito in tears, hurting beyond words, not with his own pain but that of all those in the world that had lost. As his soulmate gathered him in his arms to carry him into the master bedroom, Akihito could only think that is was so unfair that he got to have such wonderful happiness with his own soulmate while so many others never got that chance.

***

“What are you doing?”

Asami carefully sat down next to Akihito on the couch and looked over his shoulder at the laptop screen. 

“Trying to decide what I want to do.”

Tabs of universities were lined up on his screen and he had barely been focusing on them for some time now. He had scrolled through all the programs on offer over and over again over the last few weeks but felt no closer to a decision than the first time he had considered it. He hadn’t spoken with Asami about it but he was assuming that the man would help him through university once he actually decided what he wanted to do. He had suggested as much even if he had never outright said it.

“You don’t have to decide straight away. If you need time to think about it, there are often places that accept midyear intakes or you could even take a break year if you wanted. I’m happy to support you with whatever you decide.”

“How did you know about the midyear intakes? I didn’t even know about that. Wait, have you been looking into this as well?”

Asami made a non-committal sound in the back of his throat and took a sip of his whiskey before finally responding. “I thought you might need someone to bounce ideas off so I looked up some different options with the help of my secretary. His daughter has just gotten into University so he knows a fair amount about the options currently available.”

“So what do you think I should do?”

“It doesn’t matter what I think, what matters is what _you_ want to do. Because you won’t succeed if you do something you don’t like or aren’t fully committed to.”

“That doesn’t help me.” Akihito groaned and covered his face with this hands. 

“What do you want to do, Akihito?”

“I have no idea, that’s kinda the problem.”

“If money or time or opportunity was no object, if you could truly do anything that you would want to do, what would it be?”

Akihito’s hands fell into his lap and he was quiet for a long while. “I would like to help people.”

“Help who? How?”

“People like me or Aoki-chan. People who have lost their soulmates or been affected by family losing theirs and need support. I want to take pictures to show them just how amazing they really are and I want to help them get the support they need. I want to get people talking about soulmates, about their loss or their fears. I want people who have lost their soulmates not to be seen as less or ignored because people don’t know how to react. I want to help people realise there’s no difference between people who have a soulmate and those that haven’t. Not really, we are all human just with different experiences and different needs. I want to help those who have lost their soulmates understand that they can still be loved and love others.” Akihito’s voice was wavering by that point, tears clouding his eyes over but he brushed them away angrily as he looked as his own soulmate, his expression filled with anger and pain and longing. “I want to help people, Ryuichi.”

Asami chuckled and leaned forward to press a gentle kiss to his lips.

“You are an angel, you know that?” He said as he pulled away.

Akihito flushed and wiped the last of the tears away, already calmer just from the touch of his soulmate.

“Now tell me, why you can’t do exactly that?”

“I had a look,” He confessed. “But there’s no charities or anything that support everyone. They all have criteria and exclude people based on stupid things. I thought about offering to take photos of people too, but how do I even go about that? I can only get people here in Tokyo, which is a lot of people sure, but not everyone who is in need. But that could only be in my spare time and I won’t have much if I go to uni and what about when I get a job?”

“You’re over thinking it. You sound just like Arita-kun.”

“Eh? What’s Arita got to do with this?”

“He’s going to be studying psychiatry here in Tokyo as of next year.”

“What? He never said anything about moving. In fact, he said he might start working straight away to help support his family.” Akihito start at Asami confused before his eye’s narrowed in suspicion. “And how do you know what he’s doing, anyway?”

“Because as of this morning, he received the first ever Sion funded scholarship and will be supported financially through all the next eight or so years of his study.” Akihito’s jaw dropped and Asami chuckled. “I believe he has multiple steps to go through to get there but I find it remarkable just how similar your responses to the same question were. The only difference was that he doesn’t want to take photographs, he wants to help people in the same way that Tamura-sensei has helped you. Considering the support he gives you and difference that support has made, I think I would be doing a great disservice to the world if I didn’t help him towards that goal.”

“You… You…”

Asami grinned and pulled out a rather hefty sheaf of papers that had been sitting next to him, hidden from Akihito’s view. He dumped it down on his lap and the blonde started down at it, uncomprehending.

“For you, a double degree in photography and business.”

“Why business?” Akihito flicked through the papers but couldn’t make head nor tails of their contents.

“Because you’ll need to know how to run a business if you want to be CEO of a charity.”

That caught Akihito’s attention and he was rendered speechless once again.

“I looked around at charities, thinking the same thing as you, and came up with the same result. I was speaking to my secretary about it and he drafted up some plans. He’s seen your photograph circling online, in fact, I was the one to show him. You touch more people than you realise, Akihito. He drew up these plans, far more than I asked for, and is very keen to help get it up and running. So keen that I was worried be might prefer to work for you than for me. He assured me that he won’t actually jump ship but that you have all the support that he can offer.”

Akihito was silent for a long moment before he finally connected the dots. “He lost his soulmate too, didn’t he?”

“He did.” Asami agreed. “One of the bonuses I offer him on top of his salary is regular, mandatory appointments with Tamura-sensei. He’s admitted more than once that the support from Sion and the fact that we wouldn’t let him get away with not taking the support was the only think that got him through his loss. That support extends to his daughter as well. I look after my own. Arita-kun is another example. I have more money than I will ever need in my lifetime, I just need someone to give it to. You are that person, Akihito. I don’t care what you spend it on, as long as it makes you happy. But it’s not fast cars or fancy things that make you happy, is it?” 

He leaned over to take the papers from Akihito’s nerveless fingers. He flicked past the information on the university and the course specifics until he reached a title page and handed it back.

“The proposal for The Lost Soul Foundation. Have a read through. Just remember that I will support you no matter what. This is only a rough plan, an idea, at this point. You do not have to do this, or might want to make changes. Just know that if you do decide to do so, you have a lot of people that would be willing to help you try and change the world.”

Asami pressed another gentle kiss to his lips before getting up from the couch and heading down towards his study. Akihito looked down at the plans in his hands and with trembling fingers, turned the first page.

He spent many hours that night slowly taking in all the suggestions and outlines for the charity.

He didn’t know if he dared even dream that this would be possible, but one thing was certain, he ached to be the person to make this become reality.

Asami had once again managed to give him a gift beyond his wildest imaginings. 

He had given him the gift to realise his dreams.

And so, he was going to change the world.

That marked the final piece of his heart slipping into place. Whole once again and stronger than ever before.

***

It started slowly.

Kirishima ended up being the second person to pose in front of his camera. His white soulmate mark, a book with a rose resting on top, sitting proudly over his heart. Akihito learned about the strong woman that had kept him in check and given him his beautiful daughter. It was humbling to see someone so outwardly as strong and put together as Kirishima bare his soul for the camera, and the world, to see.

The photo came out just as perfectly as Aoki’s had and Akihito witnessed the first ever genuine smile he had seen from the man. He was captured standing tall, shoulders back and pride in his stance. But his eyes showed the pain, the loss and the longing even through his thick framed glasses. His hands were clutched tightly at his side hinting at the strength required to stand so proudly after everything he has been through.

Armed with the pictures of Aoki and Kirishima, as well as the competition win, he set about the first stage of the plan.

Akihito placed an ad online and in local papers offering to do portrait shots of people that had lost their soulmates. The only stipulation was that they lived in Tokyo, could be flexible with their times and that instead of a fee, he would accept whatever amount that they could afford and the proceeds would be donated to charity. 

It started slowly, just the odd person contacting him here and there. The amounts he received in compensation varied and many he did for free but he refused to turn anyone away. If they let him, he would put the photos online in a gallery and soon enough he had gathered enough photos to create his own website.

After only a year, he was in hot demand. He had requests to visit over cities and even had people make the trip to Tokyo just to get photographed by him. 

The money earned was steadily piling up with the only cost being that of the website maintenance and hosting cost as it was created and run by Takato for free in his spare time. Akihito’s name was well known now and in his final year at university, his website went viral.

Demand was insane at that point. He even had people from other countries requesting a visit. Because he could only do a few photoshoots a week, the back log of photo requests was alarming. It made Akihito so sad to see just how many people were affected by the loss of their soulmates to the point that they needed so desperately to see themselves from a different perspective. Even one was too many and he had a backlog of people for months. 

Asami was there for him, standing proudly in the crowd, as he accepted his degree a few months later.

That was the day Akihito signed the paperwork and officially became the CEO of The Lost Soul Foundation. 

His graduation present was a cheque with far too many zeros and three experienced staff with their salaries paid by Sion for the first five years to help establish the charity. 

The plan had changed many times over the past few years as it was refined more and more. But finally it was complete and they were finally ready to set about their mission.

To change the world, one person at a time.

The charity aimed to support any and all who had been affected by soulmate loss with ongoing support from volunteers to help with day to day needs, access to psychologists and psychiatrists as long as needed and one of Akihito’s now world famous photos.

They put ads out online, on his own website and, using the funds donated by Asami, on buildings. Aoki and Kirishima, by their own choice, were the poster figures for the charity alongside Akihito. 

Akihito took center stage as he was invited on his first TV interview and stood up to tell the world proudly what his goal was. 

He talked about his own experiences with the death of his father then the loss of his mother to grief. He talked about nearly taking his own life. He talked about how people needed support, ongoing and continuous support, for years not a paltry six months. He spoke about how others were affected as well, about the children of families broken by a death. How they often lost both parents and how the pain could be protracted over a great deal of time only for it to fall apart later with even graver consequences. 

With people backing him up by taking on the endless paperwork, Akihito spent most of his time taking photographs, talking with people hurt by their loss and campaigning for awareness. 

The first time he really knew he had made a difference was when a family contacted the charity to talk to the girl from the ads. The parents of Aoki’s lost soulmate had seen her picture and recognised the mark. They didn’t know whether or not to come forward but after seeing Akihito’s impassioned speech on a TV interview, they decided that should.

Their meeting was not one Akihito would ever forget. 

Aoki finally got to learn about her lost soulmate but it didn’t break her down, actually knowing about her only made her want to live for the other girl even more. They kept in contact over the years and became a part of Aoki’s family even though their own daughter had passed away. Akihito stood proudly at Aoki’s wedding when she married another that had lost their soulmate. They had found solace and love in each other and were proud to stand up to the world to say so.

Bando Arita became one of The Lost Soul’s certified practitioners and when he opened his own clinic, the walls were decorated with his long time friend’s photographs. They worked exclusively with his charity and sent as many people to his outreach program as he sent to them for treatment. 

Sion was the charities most loyal donator, along with Asami personally, and they helped to fund many of the outreach projects both to help reach more people but to also get additional funding.

Within ten years, Akihito was personally working alongside the government to ensure that no one fell through the system and that once the government support ran out, that people had a place to turn to. 

Within fifteen years, statistics showed that Japan was thriving. It was the leading first world country in managing soulmate loss and had the lowest ever recorded rates of suicide. Workplace efficiency was up, production was up and wilful ignorance was down.

People were out and open with their white soulmate marks and it was a beautiful thing.

Akihito was just as busy, if not more so, than Asami by that point but they still found time for each other, of course. It was hard and sometimes rushed but they managed. Akihito had never been more proud to bear the fiercely roaring dragon. It was both of them together and he had long since accepted that he was fully part of that. His heart was long since whole and had overflowed many times.

The latest overflow was caused by the simple band around his fourth finger, on his left hand. 

Inside, five simple words were inscribed.

_Forever yours, my fierce dragon._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come hang out with me on social media and we can talk about yaoi and headcannons and owls.  
> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/delmirehart)  
> [Tumblr](http://delmirehart.tumblr.com/)


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